A group of Aussie gangsters are sitting around deliberating over methods they will employ in robbing a bank.

After a lot of thought, they all agree on the way to go about it.

In the wee hours of the following morning they meet and embark on their plans to get rich.

Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately.

The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables, are more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.

The first safes combination is cracked and inside the robbers find only a bowl of vanilla pudding.

Well, says one robber to another, at least we get a bit to eat.

They open up the second safe and it also contains nothing but vanilla pudding and the process continues until all the safes are opened and there is not one dollar, a diamond, or an ounce of gold to be found.

Instead, all the safes contain containers of pudding.

Disappointed, each of the mobsters makes a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full stomachs.

The following morning, a Sydney newspaper headline reads, Australias largest sperm bank robbed early this morning.

What does a 40 year old woman have between her breasts that an 18 year old doesnt?

Her navel!

¿Por qué la mujer vale más que el hombre?

Situación económica de la mujer:

1. Tiene dos glándulas mamarias que producen 2 l de leche (81 pesetas c/l, son 162 pesetas).

2. Dos jamones de pierna (360 pesetas c/u, son 720 pesetas).

3. Un pan bien grande (135 pesetas c/u, son 135 pesetas).

Total 1.017 pesetas.

Situación económica del hombre:

1. Un plátano (18 pesetas c/u, son 18 pesetas).

2. Dos huevos (13 pesetas c/u, son 26 pesetas).

3. Dos glándulas mamarias que no producen nada: 00.00.

Total 44 pesetas

Además, el hombre produce pérdidas: sus huevos no son comestibles y su pajarito ni siquiera canta.

A mother took her three-year-old daughter to church for the first time.

The church lights were lowered, and then the choir came down the aisle, carrying lighted candles.



All was quiet until the little one started to sing in a loud voice, Happy birthday to you, Happy birthday to you…

A blond decides that she needs to go shopping


As she buys 8 bottles of hair spray the man behind her asks Why buy that much hair spray


She said Your right it will go bad, but I hear it stays good for a week after it goes bad.

Your mama is so old she still ows Jesus 10 bucks

Q: What do elves learn in school?

A: The Elf-abet!

Ever wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?

Being rich and it dont mean so much . Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned a Cadillac!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why dont they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified in case of an emergency. Wouldnt a good response be to write . . . A Good Doctor!

The archbishop was sitting in his study, figuring a crossword puzzle.
His colleague asked, How are you doing?

Well, answered the archbishop, Ive almost finished it, but Im
stuck with just one word. Whats a four-letter word meaning a
female and ending in u-n-t?

Why, came the answer, the word is aunt.

Oh yes, thats right! replied the archbishop, Lend me your eraser.

Yo mama so fat she got her own magnetic poles.