This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody and Nobody. There was an important job to be done, and Everybody was asked to do it.

Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it.

Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it.

Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybodys job.

Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realised that Everybody wouldnt do it.

It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done!

President Clinton died and knocked at the Pearly Gates. Who goes there? inquired St. Peter.

Its me, Bill Clinton.

What bad things did you do on earth?

Clinton thought a bit and answered, Well, I smoked marijuana, but you shouldnt hold that against me because I didnt inhale. And I lied, but I didnt commit perjury.

After several moments of deliberation St. Peter replied, OK, heres the deal. Well send you someplace where it is very hot, but we wont call it Hell. Youll be there for an indefinite period of time, but we wont call it eternity. And dont abandon all hope upon entering, just dont hold your breath waiting for it to freeze over.

Q: How many holocaust revisionists does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None, they just deny the bulb ever went out in the first place.

What is Rodeo Sex?

Well, its where your lady friend is on all fours, you are firmly ensconced from the rear with a breast in each hand, and you say to her, This is the way your sister likes it too. You have eight seconds to stay in the saddle.

Things that sound dirty at Thanksgiving but really arent:



Reach in and grab the giblets.



Whew… thats one terrific spread!



Im in the mood for a little dark meat.



Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.



Talk about a huge breast!



And he forces his way into the end zone.



Shes 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down.



Its cool whip time!



If I dont unbuckle my pants, Im going to burst.



It must be broken cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.

How do you kill a blonde?


Put a scratch and sniff on the bottom of a pool and tell her to go smell it.

In the early 1930s, a farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

$10 for 3 minutes, replied the pilot. Thats too much, said the farmer.

The pilot thought for a second and then said, Ill make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, youll have to pay $10.

The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.

Maybe so, said the farmer, But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.

These are intended for entertainment purposes only. We do not advise that you ever do these things to a roommate or yourself.

125. Sit in front of a chess board for hours, saying nothing, doing nothing. Then, look up and say, I think this game goes a lot faster with two players.

how many [ethnics] does it take to screw in a light bulb?

I dont know. I havnt find one that could do it yet.

A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun – they just dont remember who with.