Never needlessly disturb a thing at rest.

Why do Mexicans drive around in Low Riders?

– So they can drive and pick vegetables at the same time.

When is it appropriate to throw a glass of wine in your
Italian girlfriends face?

When her beard is on fire.

Guy goes to the doctor to get the results of a health check. Doctor says Ive got good news and bad news, which do you want first? Guy says good news first. OK, You got 24 hours to live Dang, whats the bad news! I shoulda told you yesterday!

Where does a 200 ton elephant sit?

Anywhere he wants!

A new pastor moved into town and went out one Saturday to visit some of the members of the church. All went well until he came to one house. It was obvious that someone was home, but no one came to the door even after he had knocked several times. Finally, he took out his card, wrote on the back Revelation 3:20 and stuck it in the door. The next day, as he was counting the offering he found his card in the collection plate. Below his message was notation Genesis 3:10. Revelation 3:20 reads: Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice, and opens the door, I will come in to him, and will dine with him, and he with me. Genesis 3:10 reads: And he said, I heard thy voice in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked.

Once upon a time there was a friendly old lady who decided to open a tea room. So she picked an ideal location and pretty soon business was booming. Then she got greedy and thought shed skimp on the ingredients and make more profit. She found that she could use her tea bags over and over and nobody seemed to notice. But soon her customers got fed up with weak tea. Her business failed and after a while she was bankrupt. The Moral Of The Story: Honest tea is the best policy.

Keeping up with the changing times, Mattel corp will begin selling a new Divorced Barbie.

It comes with all of Kens accessories.

Yard Work Sign Language

A couple is doing yard work and the wife goes to take a shower. Her husband is looking for a rake and cant find it. He yells up to his wife, Wheres the rake?

She replies by nodding her arms like she cant hear.

So he points to his eye (I), hits his knee (need), then makes raking motions.

She replies by pointing to her eye, grabbing her left breast, slapping her ass, then rubbing her crotch. He runs upstairs and says, What?!

She says, I left tit behind the bush.

Whazza u name
U-Hage

Whazza u howsa nummer

U-Streeta

Whazza-U-Bag?
Hitta Man
Lona-Arranger
Prostitutta?

Izza U Girl or Boy? (If uzza girl, Oh-Boy!) Justta Checka Wun.

Putta Downa Wearra U Worgga Now

Wazza U Inna De Bigga Ouse? Yasse No
For Whatzza U Inna De Bigga Ouse?

I Shoota Wun Guize
I Keednappa Sumbodys
Protekshun Ragget
Udda Things

U Wanna B De Bigga Shotz, Dumdaze??
Yasse
No
Eh

U Likka Eata
Garlic?
Pizza?
Salami?

U No Ow 2 Makke De Cement Shooz? Yasse
No

U Driva De Car?
Gadillac
Buick
Linken

U Likka Likka
Spagett?
Galamari?
Girlze?
Boyze?

(Just peeka one–no foola rounda cus I slappa U face)

U Sees De Godfather? (Or justa de movie?)

Widda U Antry U Gonna Getta Somtink U Reely Lika:

1 pr darke glasses
1 lb. mozzarella cheeze

1 black shirte widda white tie

1 kiss (later, onna U cheek)

1 pr. pointie shooz

1 wite hat, widde blacke brim

1 pr. cement shooz
(come later when you foolaround)

1 spumoni (tutti-frutti)

8×10 picchur-Frank Sinatra

1 Appy Face Button

Goode Stoff (Iffa U notta Sure, I Talle U Whatta U Getta, Wizaguy)

Joinna de club while you still canna rite!