A paralegal, an associate and a partner of a prestigious law firm are walking through a city park and they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke.

The Genie says, I usually only grant three wishes, so Ill give each of you just one.

Me first! Me first! says the paralegal. I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat with Brad Pitt.

Poof! Shes gone.

Me next! Me next! says the associate. I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with a professional hula dancer on one side and a Mai Tai on the other.

Poof! Hes gone.

Youre next, the Genie says to the partner.

The partner says, I want those two back in the office after lunch.

Llega un tipo al consultorio médico:

Doctor, doctor, vengo a que me examine el tobillo porque tengo un desgarre y me duele mucho.

Muy bien, quítese la ropa.

A mí me duele el tobillo, ¿por qué tengo que desvestirme?

¿Quién es el médico, usted o yo?

Usted, doctor, le contesta quitándose la ropa.

Ahora, quítese los calzoncillos.

Pero, doctor.

¿Quién es el médico, usted o yo?

Quitándose los calzoncillos:

Usted, doctor.

El galeno le pide al paciente:

Ahora, inclínese.

El enfermo se inclina y el facultativo le mete tremenda pija; el paciente pega tremendo grito y el profesional lo reprende:

Eso que acaba de sentir es un desgarre. Lo que usted tiene en el tobillo es un esguince.

Q: What did the fish say when he ran into the wall?

A: Dam

Two blondes walk into a bar, but the redhead ducked.

These are supposedly actual quotes taken from around the world.

The effects are fleeting and lingering… – Overheard in a hallway

In Managua, people are cheering in the streets, which are deserted. – CBS reporter during the solar eclipse

A trucker called to thank all of the courteous Seattle drivers he had run across. – Announcer on KZOK radio

He threw 110 pitches in six innings, and thats a mouthful! – CBS baseball announcer

An agreement is not an agreement until the parties to the agreement have reached an agreement. – Irish Politician on RTE radio

This is the biggest pawn that Israel holds in the whole hostage equation. – BBC world service.

We have two incredibly credible witnesses here. – Sen. Biden at Thomas hearings from Bob Ericson (Marlboro, MA, USA)

Hes going to step down til hes back on his feet. – Vermont Public Radio commentator on Jimmy Swaggarts latest sex scandal

Knock Knock
Whos there?
Ping Pong!
Ping Pong who?
Ping Pong the witch is dead….!

Larkinsons Law: All laws are basically false.

What do Bill and Ross Perot have in common?

They both heard a giant sucking sound!

What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had??

An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.

That it didnt matter how late I scheduled my first class, Id still sleep through it. That I could change so much and barely realize it That you can love a lot of people in a lot of different ways. No matter how cool you were in high school, no one here cares. That if you wear polyester everyone will ask why you are so dressed up. That every clock on campus shows a different time. That if you were smart in high school, so what? It doesnt matter here. That I would go to a party the night before a final. That Chem. Labs/Art studios take up more time than all my other classes put together. That you can know everything and fail a test. That you can know nothing and ace a test. That I could get used to almost anything found out about my roommate. That most of my education would be obtained outside of class. That friendship is more than getting drunk together. That I would be one of those people that my parents warned me about That Sunday is a figment of the worlds imagination. That Psychology is really Biology. That Biology is really Chemistry, that Chemistry is really Physics and that Physics is really Math. That my parents would become so much smarter in the last few years. That its possible to be alone even when friends surround you. That friends are what make this place worthwhile! Dont be dismayed at good-byes, a farewell is necessary before we can meet again, and meeting again, after moments or a lifetime, is certain for those who are friends.