Archive for July, 2019

Wacko Jacko

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Poza publicata in [ Celebrity ]

Whats the difference between a polythene bag and Michael Jackson?



A: One is made of plastic and dangerous to



children,the other is used to carry your



shopping home!

The blonde and the Redneck

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Poza publicata in [ Redneck ]

A redneck was standing in the middle of the road yelling, 57! 57! A blonde saw her doing this so she ran to the middle of the road and started yelling, 57! 57!.

A tractor trailer was coming down the road towards them at about 60 miles per hour, so the redneck jumped to the side of the road. The blonde, however, got hit by the truck and got smeared all over the road.

Then the redneck jumped back on the road and started yelling, 58! 58!

Question and answer blonde joke

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Poza publicata in [ Blonde ]

Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee

They told me I was

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Poza publicata in [ One Liners ]

They told me I was gullible…and I believed them!

Big Testicles

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Poza publicata in [ Animal ]

A tourist is in Spain, and goes to a fancy restaurant for dinner. As he looks around, he notices a diner being served a beautifully garnished dish with two gigantic meatballs in the middle. When the waiter asks him for his order, the man asks him about the meatball dish. The waiter explains that the meatballs are bulls testicles, and when the bull loses the bullfight, the bull is brought to the restaurant, and this beautiful dish is made.
The diner tells the waiter that he wants the bulls testicles for dinner, but the waiter tells him that only one bull a day is brought to the restaurant, but he can have it tommorrow. The diner agrees. The next day the diner goes to the restaurant, and orders the testicle dish. When his food is brought out, he notices that the meatballs are extremely small. He mentions this to the waiter, and the waiter replies, Well sir you have to understand, sometimes the bull wins.

Top 15 Clues That Your Company Has Merged With A Competitor as submitted to www.Dilbert.com

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

  1. The company stock suddenly is worth something, then trading is halted before you can cash in.
  2. Your management has just emphatically denied that any merger is currently being contemplated.
  3. Your paycheck comes with the competitors logo.
  4. The guy you used to yell at during trade shows is introduced as your new boss.
  5. The address on your new business cards does not correspond to the location of the office you go to every day.
  6. I work for the government, so merging with a competitor would probably mean storm troopers marching through the streets.
  7. The customer service folks are told to stop telling customers that company X will cheat them on service contracts. Now theyre our service.
  8. The owners daughter sends you an invitation to her wedding with the competitors son.
  9. The product which your salespeople described not a long time ago as being a dangerous health hazard is now one of the leading products in your sales literature.
  10. I got a very big raise. This makes me very paranoid. Two weeks ago, we had no money and way too much work to do. Last week, I am offered huge raise effective next month. I smell a data merge coming on.
  11. Our URL links to their web site.
  12. 401k rollover papers on your desk Monday morning.
  13. When someone quits to go work for a competitor, the company doesnt immediately escort him out of the building.
  14. The resume I sent to our top competitor showed up at my present employer.
  15. You hear about it on the morning news!

Dilbert © 1999 United Feature Syndicate, Inc.

Twins

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Headline in todays newspaper:

Suicidal Twin kills sister by mistake!

Ho-down!

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Why do black men not go square dancing?

Every time some one yells hoe down, they turn to see if their sister got shot!

Official Announcement: The government today

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Poza publicata in [ General / Unsorted ]

Official Announcement: The government today announced that it is changing its emblem from an Eagle to a CONDOM because it more accurately reflects the governments political stance. A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pricks, and gives you a sense of security while youre actually being screwed. Damn, it just doesnt get more accurate than that.

Why Women Close Eyes During Sex

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Poza publicata in [ Naughty ]

Why does a woman close her eyes when shes having sex?

Because no woman ever wants to see a man enjoying himself!