Q: How many Heisenbergs does it take to change a light bulb?
A: If you want to know how many, you can observe them as they come in the door. But if not observed, they come in waves.

Q: How many heterosexual males does it take to screw in a light bulb in San Francisco?
A: Both of them.

A guy and his son go into a bar. The son is just a head though. The man asks the bartender for two shots. The man takes one shot and gives the other one to his son. The son swallows down the drink and out pops an arm. The man thought,Hey this is good. So he asks for two more shots. He drinks one and gives the other to his son again, and out pops another arm. The man the asks for a double and gives it to his son. The son throws it down and suddenly explodes. The bartender looks over at the man and says, Looks like he should have quit while he was ahead.

A little boy on the way to school one day saw a drunk playing with himself in an alley. The boy asked what he was doing. The drunk said playing with my birdie, playing with my birdie He then passed out. When he came to he was in the hospital, in pain around his groin area. He asked the Dr what happened, the Dr brought in the little boy and told him to answer the man. The boy said after you went to sleep mister, I played with your birdie and he spit at me so I broke his neck, cracked his eggs and set his nest on fire

There was three girls a brown head, a red head, and a blonde head. They where going to go on a hike in the desert and the brown head said she would take some food if they got hungry, the red head said she would bring water if they got thirsty, and the blonde head said shed bring a car door……..so if they got hot she could roll down the window.

Four Catholic ladies are having coffee together. The first one tells her friends, My son is a priest. When he walks into a room, everyone calls him Father.

The second Catholic woman chirps, My son is a bishop. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Grace.



The third Catholic woman says smugly, My son is a cardinal. Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Your Eminence.



The fourth Catholic woman sips her coffee in silence.



The first three women give her this subtle Well…?



She replies, My son is a gorgeous, 62, hard-bodied stripper………… Whenever he walks into a room, people say, Oh my God….

it took her 2 hours to watch 60 minutes





when she saw the NC-17 (under 17 not admitted) sign, she went home and got 16 friends





she tried to put M&Ms in alphabetical order





she sold the car for gas money





she got stabbed in a shoot out





when asked on an application, Sex?, she marked, M, F and sometimes Wednesday too.





she took the Pepsi challenge and chose Jif





***yo mama so fat***





when she stood on the bathroom scale, it said to be continued…..





last time she saw 90210 was on the bathroom scale





when she steps on a scale, it read one at a time, please





her nickname is DAMN





people jog around her for exercise





shes got her own area code





even Bill Gates couldnt pay for her liposuction





she has more chins then a hong kong phone book





***yo mama so nasty***





shes like a brick, rough around the edges and gets laid by mexicans every day





she has lobsters instead of crabs





***yo mama so ugly***





she joined an ugly contest, and they said, sorry, no professionals.





she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning





that if ugly were bricks shed have her own projects





she makes blind kids cry





she makes onions cry





***your mama so old***





her security code is 000-00-0001





when god said,let there be light, she flicked the switch.

Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear?

To keep his ankles warm.

What is black, blue, red, and brown?
A Brewnette that has told to many Blonde Joke.

What does a brewnette always miss at a great party?
The invitation.

Why are blonde jokes so short?
So that brewnettes can understand them.

What is a fine lookin man with a brewnette?
A hostage.

When Micheal Jacksons ex-girlfriend had his baby, Michael asked, Honey, its been nine months. When can I have sex again?

She said, Damn, Michael… at least let the kid learn how to walk first!