65 Things to Do on a Long Airplane Ride



1. Fart loudly and act shocked, looking around to see who did it

2. Fiddle around with the emergency exit, then ask a fellow passenger if he has a crowbar

3. Hijack the cockpit and, over the loudspeaker, anounce that the first class passengers and luggage are to switch places

4.Run down the aisle screaming,Hes got a bomb! Hes got a bomb!

5. Go into the bathroom and make rude bodily noises, then come out looking refreshed

6. Fly into a rage whenever the word Gallstone is mentioned

7. Accidental soda spill on the dork next to you.

8. Go up to someone and ask loudly if they wouldnt mind applying Preporation H to your hemrrhoids

9. Tap at the windows, saying Looks pretty tough then ask somone if they have a bat you could use to test.

10. Disco dance in the aisle

11. Mess up your hair, untuck your shirt, basically look crude, and mingle with a first class guy as if you were long-lost friends

12. Give someone a coin, saying Heads, I detonate the bomb. Tails, I dont

13. Go into the bathroom, drop your pants, then come out, yelling Were out of toilet paper! Stewardess!

14. Describe your sex life in great detail to the five-year-old next to you

15. Try to lead plane in song Oh I wish I was an Oscar Myer Weiner

16. Lead a revolt against the first class passengers

17. Attempt to promote Hinduism among passengers

18. Moon passing Delta planes

19. Lead a bible study session in the back of the plane

20. Start a hot dog stand

21. Steal businessmans laptop, play solitaire on it

22. Pinch the stewardess butt as she passes

23. During the inflight movie, ask to share headphones with someone

24. When two people kiss in the film, belch real loud

25. When theres any nudity, say Hey! He/she must be real cold!

26. Tell the person next to you your life story, from DNA to that afternoon

27. With the person next to you, discuss cannabilism among airline crash passengers on deserted islands

28. Remark that perhaps you shouldnt have put superglue in your undies that morning

29. Pick your nose and pat the person next to you

30. No matter what the meal choices are, demand rice-a-roni

31. Show off your Batman underwear

32. Ask the guy next to you to hold your dentures (senior citizens only)

33. Switch accents and see if anyone notices

34. During the meal, loudly explain that on time you ate shark fin soup

and proceeded to puke all over the airplane, spewing chunks of shark on the other passengers

35. Sneak into the cockpit and hit the warning alarm

36. Explain how, one time, the plane was crashing and the oxygen masks didnt come out, cause they arent really reliable, and that if the plane was to crash, everyone would die

37. Put on a ten foot diameter sombrero and slouch in your seat, whacking everyone on the head

38. Scratch your butt, then sniff your finger

39. Go into the cockpit, flick on the intercom light, then loudly inquire as to why the fuel dial says e

40. Go into the cockpit, ask the pilot in an obnoxious voice Why do the call it the COCKpit? then snort as if its the funniest thing in the world

41. Dont use deoderant, then accidently stick your armpit in someones face

42. Sneeze, using somebodys sleeve instead of your hand to cover it

43. Listen to James Brown on your Walkman, sing along (especially the

Oooh Oooh parts)

44. Snort when you laugh

45. Tell corny jokes and laugh like its absolutely hilarious, then expect others to do the same 46. Wear a hairpiece and switch it often, seeing if anyone notices

47. Sing that irritaing song that starts like this I lost my car on the rooooooaaddd an Im cryin over yooooouuuu….

48. Recite all you can of the last Ann Landers column

49. Hum the Monty Python theme song

50. Act like a movie star

51. Scream and dive under your seat for no apparent reason

52. Ride carry-on luggage down the aisle, yelling Yeee-ha!

53. With a desperate look, ask the stewardess where the bathroom is, then look relieved and say Nevermind. Do you have any towels?

54. Whip out your kazoo and give first class a special entertainment show

55. Jump up and scream AAAHHH!! I left the stove on!!

56. Bring a microphone and act like Frank Sinatra

57. Ask someone for their autograph, pretending that you think theyre Kevin Costner or Goldie Hawn (This best when the person looks nothing like the movie star in question)

58. Start talking Korean

59. If someone has a bad toupee, whack it off

60. Pretend youre flying the plane

61. With a fellow passenger, Re-enact the disco scene in Airplane!

62. Get some rub-on tattoos and a leather jacket, pretend that you belong

to a biker gang

63. Take over the plane with a toy gun

64. Yell to someone Is it time to hijack the plane yet? (Note: Do this when there are stewardesses there)

65. To the person next to you, say Its amazing that they didnt notice the grenade in my luggage