10. Youll know that your turkey is a Butterball rather than

a Grade E yet semi-edible fur ball.


9. Your mother will not be serving your mashed potatoes and

stuffing with an ice cream scooper.


8. Pumpkin pie is a great alternative to green Jello.


7. After your eighth glass of cider, your emergency dash to

the bathroom will not be delayed by having to line the seat

with toilet paper.


6. Clean underwear, comfortable bed, access to a car,

bedroom larger than a 12×14 cell… OK, even if it is for

only four days.


5. To eat your meals the only trek youll have to make is

from the couch to the kitchen, rather than the dorm to the

dining hall…in below freezing weather.


4. Instead of listening to when I first started teaching

here… you can be entertained by when your mother was your

age… and during the Depression we werent lucky enough to

have brussels sprouts. Hell, all we could afford was the

sprout!


3. You can eat your corn steamed with butter rather than

popped in your microwave


2. Youll know the hair in the shower drain is your own.

1. You wont be eating your Thanksgiving meal off a tray!