Optional M.O.M. technology automatically yells at you to Go outside and get some fresh air for every hour of game play.
Built-in catheter helps extend those marathon DOOM sessions!
Makes you feel really cool for a couple of weeks, with nearly twice as many Ill be your best friend offers!
Broadband access enables joystick to double as a SCUD missile launcher.
You can play it naked!
Razzes you about how your country still cant even manufacture a decent television set.
Panic button switches the screen to porn whenever your wife walks in the room, so she wont think youre a game geek.
Timer automatically counts down to exact moment of obsolescence.
Groundbreaking, truly interactive technology allows you to use your own penis, or that of a friend, as a joystick.
New Campaign 2000 edition has an Al Gore thats 33% more lifelike than the original, a George W. Bush with realistic SnortSurround sound, and a Ralph Nader which doesnt do anything for itself, but helps destruct competing models.
Special butter churn attachment for Elijahs Virtual Churnmaster 3000 results in awesome, realistic butter churning!
Label on underside has cool recipe for vegan babaganoush.
Secret command sequence causes head of annoying dweeb who lives next door to explode.
CPU now draws a full 75% of its power from your pent-up sexual frustration.

and Topfive.coms Number 1 Cool Feature of the Sony PlayStation 2 …

Highspeed internet access allows you to play online with other losers who paid $1000 for a friggin toy.

[ The Top 5 List www.topfive.com ]
[ Copyright 2000 by Chris White ]