Wifespeak
Wifespeak/Translation
You want: You want
We need: I want
Its your decision: The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do what you want: Youll pay for this later
We need to talk: I need to complain
Sure…go ahead: I dont want you to.
Im not upset: Of course Im upset, you moron.
Youre so manly: You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
Youre certainly attentive tonight: Is sex all you ever think about?
Im not emotional! And Im not over reacting!: Im on my period.
Be romantic, turn out the lights.: I have flabby thighs.
This kitchen is so inconvenient: I want a new house.
I want new curtains: and carpeting, furniture, wallpaper….
I need wedding shoes: the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of white
Hang the picture there: No, I mean hang it there!
I heard a noise: I noticed you were almost asleep.
Do you love me?: Im going to ask for something expensive.
How much do you love me?: I did something today youre really not going to like.
Ill be ready in a minute: Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat?: Tell me Im beautiful.
You have to learn to communicate: Just agree with me.
Are you listening to me!?: [Too late, your dead.]
Yes: No
No: No
Maybe: No
Im sorry: Youll be sorry.
Do you like this recipe?: Its easy to fix, so youd better get used to it.
Was that the baby?: Why dont you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep.
Im not yelling!: Yes I am yelling because I think this is important.
All were going to buy is a soap dish: It goes without saying that were stopping at the cosmetics department, the shoe department, I need to look at few new pocketbooks, and, oh my god,theres a sale in lingerie, and wouldnt these pink sheets look great in the bedroom and did you bring your checkbook?
In answer to the question Whats wrong?
The same old thing.: Nothing.
Nothing.: Everything.
Everything: My PMS is acting up.
Nothing, really.: Its just that youre such an asshole..
I dont want to talk about it.: Go away, Im still building up steam.
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