Old and New Jokes

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time. I know where my watch is pal, where the fuck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?
People who are willing to get off their ass to search the entire room for the tv remote because they refuse to walk to the tv and change the channel manually.
When people say Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too. Fucking right! What good is a cake if you cant eat it?
When people say its always the last place you look. Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after youve found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?
When people say while watching a film did you see that? No loser, I paid $8 to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.
People who ask Can I ask you a question? Didnt really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?
When something is new and improved! Which is it? If its new, then there has ever been anything before it. If its an improvement, then there must have been something before it.
When people say life is short. What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever fucking does!! What can you do thats longer?
When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks Has the bus come yet? If the bus came would I be standing here, dumbass?