A young executive was leaving the office at 6 p.m. when he found the CEO
standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

Listen, said the CEO, this is a very sensitive and important document, and my
secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?

Certainly, said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the
paper, and pressed the start button.

Excellent, excellent! said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the
machine, I just need one copy.

Lesson I – Never, ever assume that your boss knows everything.

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, I want
to open a damn checking account.

To which the astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir; I must have
misunderstood you. What did you say?

Listen up bitch! I said, I want to open a damn checking account! Right now!

Im very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank.

Having said this, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager
to tell him about her problem customer.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, What seems to be the
problem here?

Theres no damn problem, sonny, the elderly man says, I just won 50 million
bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this
damn bank!

I see, says the manager thoughtfully, And youre saying that this bitch here
is giving you a hard time?

Lesson II – If you are rich, you can get away with almost anything.

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to L.A. when the
American turned to the Japanese and asked, What kind of -ese are you?

The Japanese, confused, replied, Sorry but I dont understand what you mean.

The American repeated, What kind of -ese are you?

Again, the Japanese was confused over the question.

The American, now irritated, yelled, What kind of -ese are you? Are you
Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese, or what?

The Japanese then replied, Oh, I am Japanese.

A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked what kind of -key
was he.

The American, frustrated, yelled, What do you mean what kind of -key am I?!

The Japanese said, Are you a Yankee, a donkey, or a monkey?

Lesson III – Never insult anyone.

There were these four guys, a Russian, a German, an American and a French, who
found this small genie bottle. When they rubbed the bottle, a genie appeared.

Thankful that the four guys had released him out of the bottle, he said, I will
give each of you one wish that Ill fulfill. Next to you are four swimming
pools. When you run towards the pool and jump, shout what you want the pool of
water to become, and your wish will come true.

The French wanted to start. He ran towards the pool, jumped and shouted, Wine!
The pool immediately changed into a pool of wine. The Frenchman was happy
swimming and drinking from the pool.

Next was the Russians turn. He did the same and shouted, Vodka! and immersed
himself into a pool of vodka.

The German was next and he jumped and shouted, Beer! He was content with his
beer pool.

The last was the American. He was running towards the pool when suddenly he
stepped on a banana peel. He slipped towards the pool and shouted, Shit!

Lesson IV – Mind your language, you never know what it will land you in.