The Top 15 Ways Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long

15. Wet willies from two tables away!

14. Almost guaranteed to be Madonnas sole boyfriend for at least a week or two.

13. Now can carry *two* dozen donuts while juggling.

12. Much easier to clean behind the refrigerator.

11. You can finally do that 3-puppet show without getting arrested.

10. Two-handed typing during cybersex!

9. Interested in Anna Nicole Smith but youre 18, healthy and poor? Not a problem anymore!

8. Youd be a shoe-in for Hollywood Lizard Boy roles.

7. For once, itll be the dogs turn to look at you with envy.

6. Youd need Mick Jaggers lips & John Elways teeth to stay in proportion.

5. When picking nose, can cut out the middle man.

4. Tie a cherry stem with your tongue? Hell, gobble a handful and weave a friggin picnic basket!

3. Increased number of taste buds finally allows one to discern between Kool-Aid flavors.

2. Your previously-neglected navel would suddenly be your second cleanest body part.

and the Number 1 Way Your Life Would Change if Your Tongue Were 2 Feet Long…

1. The counselor at Oversized Features Anonymous shows interest in you, but you cant help but question her motives.