See how many of these you hear this year!

Here are my FAVORITE top ten Christmas Quotations

My God, Aint Sally, dont use the BUTTER KNIFE to spread that oleo on your own damn bread!

Why is it that **MY** children always has to drink out of the jelly glasses?

Id just love for all yall to come to **MY** place next Christmas, but Im afraid there aint room for all of us in that little tiny trailer.

Well, I got it at Sears. If it dont fit, Im sure theyll be glad to swap it for you for a larger size. I just dint realize you waz wearing a ***24W*** already.

What the hell am I supposed to do with T*H*I*S? Didnt anybody git me any white socks?

I dont EVER put olives on MY deviled eggs. I just dont know why anybody would! Skeeters allergic to olives, aint you, Skeeter? Why, yes, you are so! You are, too, allergic to olives!

Who let that damn dog get into my box of chocolate-covered cherries? I was gonna drop them by WyeVonnes. Miz Marshall down at the mill give all us girls a box. WyeVonne wouldnt have never knowd where they come from. Now Im gonna haf to give her one of my boxes of dustin powder!

I see yall still are devotes of arboreal sacrifice. Weve had an artificial tree for YEARS!

Momma, whys Aint Bobbie making me eat off a plain plate? Yores has got a Christmas tree on it!

Yep, I been settin air for three hours an forty-two minutes, by my clock. An air he come! ARE YALL ALL LISTENIN TO THIS? I got him right tair in the cross hairs. I pull the trigger, and — S*P*L*A*T!!! Bye-bye, Bambi. … Pass me some more of that venison, R.J.

Revised, 1996. By Lee Bradley.

This text may be reproduced and distributed, without changes, at your pleasure, as long as this notice remains attached and intact.

Lee Bradley