Youve slept with Geraldo Rivera.
Arsenio touches your knee.
Even Richard Dawson wont kiss you.
Sheik offers you free shares in the company.
You become a Vaseline spokesperson.
Having two tampons in at the same time doesnt bother you.
The EPA comes looking for you.
You go through a Sealy ™ a week.
Frederic actually comes to your door himself … just to see where 1/2 of his orders go.
When people say Ho, Ho, Ho and its July.
When you dont know Whats his name?
You have to go across the border for a Pap Smear.
You are the headquarters for the CDC.
Your baby looks familiar, but … like who?
When they change your # to 976.
Tetracycline is your best friend.
McDonalds calls you The Happy Meal.
It takes 2 douches and a spatula at shower time.
Changing your sheets comes more than once a day.
When youve got a Take a NUmber machine at your door.
When they call you Shazam and they dont mean the money machine!
When you get hemorrhoids on your shoulders.
When getting dresses is not part of your day.
Your day starts and ends by rolling over.
When the sperm bank calls for remnants.
When your screams are heard over a fire alarm.
When youre wearing more latex than spandex.
When your motto is 2 Days, 2 Pounds … $2.90.
When your ceiling mirrors fog.
When they install a revolving door at your apartment.
On the golf course, your afraid to yell Fore (four).
When the word Slalom gets you excited.
When the Marine Corps does recruitment outside your door.
When you have a neon sign saying open at night.
You want to have your name changed to Misty.
Madonna comes to you for pointers.
You start to think of yourself as Smurfette.
You havent seen your floor in a week.
When sunlight scares you.
When your favorite quote is next please.
You know all the people in Americas Most Wanted.
When Susan Sarandon envies you.
When Guinness Book starts calling.
When every song reminds you of someone … but who?
When everyone is refers to you as dear and honey.
When he doesnt even have to buy you a drink.
When you have a room key to every hotel in town.
When Holiday Inn is coming after you for their linen.
Motel 6 signals you in with runway lights.
The only place you havent had sex is on the moon.
When a mens prison becomes a vacation hot spot
The Big Dipper looks inviting.
When soft foods have become distasteful.
White sauce is a staple in your diet.
When the Red Cross turns their head at you.
When it only takes 2 licks to get to the center of a Blow Pop.
When you and your cat have the same tongue consistency.
When other women begin to call you Mans Best Friend.
You and Prince have already made 3 records.
When the neighbors want you to install a drive up window.