On a California freeway:

Fine for Littering

In the window of an Atlanta clothing store:

Sids Pants is Open

On the wall of a British Columbia cleaning service:

Able to Do the Worst Possible Job

In a New York jewelry store:

Genuine Faux Pearls

In a Kansas City oculists office:

Broken lenses duplicated here

In a Boston fast-food parking lot:

Parking for Drive-Through Customers Only

Billboard on Florida highway:

If You Cant Read, We Can Help

On the Triborough Bridge in New York:

In Event of Air Attack Drive Off Bridge

On a Lockhart, Texas, gas station and minimart:

Were out of Rolaids, but weve got gas.

At the basketball court in a Gastonton, North Carolina, YMCA:

Anyone caught hanging from the rim will be suspended

On a Rapid City store:

Give That Bride a Good Case of Worms or Other Fine Bait

On the door of an Ellsworth, Maine, restaurant:

The Indian Trading Post will be closed for Yom Kippur

In a Grand Rapids restaurant:

Half baked chicken

In a Dayton barbershop:

During vacation of owner, a competent hair stylist will be here

On a Jacksonville, Florida, bookstore:

Rare, out-of-print, and nonexistent books

On a construction office in England:

We Specialize in Quick Erections

On a library in Marlboro, New Hampshire, honoring Robert Frost:

Frost Free Library