Barts Lines

On the television show The Simpsons Bart can occasionally be seen writing on the blackboard as punishment, a sentence hundreds of times. The sentences change all the time. Since Bart is a rather naughty ten year old boy (sort of like Johnny in the Little Johnny Jokes), the sentences take on a life of their own.

Simpsons Chalk Board Writings

I will not carve gods.

I will not spank others.

I will not aim for the head.

I will not barf unless Im sick.

I will not expose the ignorance of the faculty.

I saw nothing unusual in the teachers lounge.

I will not conduct my own fire drills.

Five days is not too long to wait for a gun.

Funny noises are not funny.

I will not snap bras.

I will not fake seizures.

This punishment is not boring and pointless.

My name is not Dr.


I will not defame New Orleans.

I will not prescribe medication.

I will not bury the new kid.

I will not bring sheep to class.

A burp is not an answer.

Teacher is not a leper.

Coffee is not for kids.

I will not eat things for money.

I will not yell shes dead at roll call.

The principals toupee is not a frisbee.

I will not call the principal spud head.

Goldfish dont bounce.

Mud is not one of the four foodgroups.

No one is interested in my underpants.

I will not sell miracle cures.

I will return the seeing eye dog.

I do not have diplomatic immunity.

I will not charge admission to the bathroom.

The cafeteria deep fryer is not a toy.

All work and no play makes bart a dull boy.

I am not authorized to fire substitute teachers.

My homework was not stolen by the one armed man.

I will not go near the kindergarten turtle.

I am not deliciously saucy.

Organ transplants are best left to professionals.

The pledge of allegiance does not end with Hail Satan.

I will not celebrate meaningless milestones.

There are plenty of businesses like show business.

I will not waste chalk.

I will never win an Emmy.

I will not torment the emotionally frail.

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