Cat Miracle Diet

Most diets fail
because we stubbornly continue to think and eat like humans. For those
us who have never had any success dieting there is the new Miracle Cat
Diet! Except for cats that eat like people — such as getting lots of
table scraps — most cats are long and lean (or tiny and petite). The
Cat Miracle Diet will help you achieve the same lean, svelte figure as
a cat. Just follow this diet for one week and youll find that you not
only look and feel better, but you will have a whole new outlook on what
constitutes food. Good Luck!
Breakfast: Open can of expensive gourmet cat food. Any
flavour as long as it cost more than seventy-five cents per can. Eat one
bite of food then look around room disdainfully. Knock the rest on the
floor. Stare at the wall for awhile before stalking off into the other
Lunch: Four blades of grass and one lizard tail. Throw
it back up on the most expensive carpet in your house.
Dinner: Catch a moth and play with it until it is almost
dead. Eat one wing. Leave the rest to die.
Bedtime snack: Steal one green bean from your spouses
or partners plate. Bat it around the floor until it goes under the refrigerator.
Steal one small piece of chicken and eat half of it. Leave the other half
on the sofa. Throw out the remaining gourmet cat food from the can you
opened this morning.
Breakfast: Pick up the leftover chicken from the sofa.
Knock it onto the carpet and bat it under the television set. Chew on
the corner of the newspaper as your spouse/partner tries to read it.
Lunch: Break into the fresh French bread that you bought
as your part of the dinner party on Saturday. Lick the top of it all over.
Take one bite out of the middle of the loaf.
Afternoon snack: Catch a large beetle and bring it into
the house. Play toss and catch with it until it is mushy and half dead.
Allow it to escape under the bed.
Dinner: Open a fresh can of dark-coloured gourmet cat
food — tuna or beef works well. Eat it voraciously. Walk from your kitchen
to the edge of the living room rug. Promptly throw up on the rug. Step
into it as you leave. Track footprints across the entire room.
Breakfast: Drink part of the milk from your spouses
or partners cereal bowl when no one is looking. Splatter part of it on
the nearest polished aluminium appliance you can find.
Lunch: Catch a small bird and bring it into the house.
Play with on top of your down filled comforter. Make sure the bird is
seriously injured but not dead before you abandon it for someone else
to have to deal with.
Dinner: Beg and cry until you are given some ice cream
or milk in a bowl of your own. Take three licks/laps and then turn the
bowl over on the floor.
Breakfast: Eat six bugs, assorted varieties, being sure
to leave a collection of legs, wings, and antennae on the bathroom floor.
Drink lots of water. Throw the bugs and all of the water up on your spouses
or partners pillow.
Lunch: Remove the chicken skin from last nights chicken-to-go
leftovers your spouse or partner placed in the trash can. Drag the skin
across the floor several times. Chew it in a corner and then abandon.
Dinner: Open another can of expensive gourmet cat food.
Select a flavour that is especially runny, like Chicken and Giblets in
Gravy. Lick off all the gravy and leave the actual meat to dry and get

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