CAT Users Manual

CAT v.6.1b: Completely Autonomous Tester, Manufactured by MOMCAT

User Installation and Maintenance Documentation:


User Friendly

Low Power CPU

Self Portable Operation

Dual Video and Audio Input

Audio Output

Auto Search Capability for Input Data

Auto Search for Output Bin

Auto Learn Program in ROM

Instant Transition To Energy Saving Standby Mode When Not In Use

Wide Operating Temperature Range

Mouse Driven

Self Cleaning

Production Details:

After basic KIT construction, the unit undergoes six weeks of
onsite ROM programming and burn-in testing. Listed features are
installed during this period. Since MOMCAT uses local suppliers,
there may be a variation between individual units. Some of the
units may not meet general standards. MOMCATs quality assurance
may reject inferior units. Users may sometimes salvage rejected
units. Beware of Far East clones. These may violate import


A suitable transportation case should be used for transportation
to the operating site. Failure to properly ship a CAT unit may
result in loss or damage to the unit and serious injury to the

Installation Procedures:

Upon receiving the CAT unit, the user should examine the unit to
verify that all I/O channels are free of debris and operational.
The user should look for minor bugs in or on the system. Bugs are
indicative of the MOMCAT production environment. The user may
manually remove any bugs. Bring the CAT to operation in an
environment temperature of 20degC (+/- 3deg tolerance). Use a
quiet room with the primary user(s) present. Open the
transportation case and let the CAT unit autoexit. Initialize
the self learning program by displaying the output bin. The next
step consists in displaying the input bins. These should contain
H2O (liquid state, room temperature, 99% purity) and dry energy
pellets. Immediately afterwards, you must display the output

If the user already has a CAT unit successfully installed, it may
be possible to download the BASIC routines to the new CAT. For
the first day or two, the CAT will stay in self learning mode.
When the learn buffer overflows, the CAT will autoswitch to
sleep() mode. This is normal. The MMU system will store the new
information to permanent memory. After 72 hours, the CAT will be
interacting with the operating environment. The unit may often be
placed in direct sunlight. If all basic environment requirements
are satisfied, the CAT system will produce a slight hum. This is

A new CAT should not exit the primary site facility. Full
portability comes after extensive burn in. Some users never let
the CAT unit autoexit the site. The advantages are longer unit
life and fewer bugs. Contact with pirate CAT units may lead to
unplanned BATCH iteration. Contact with untested CATs may lead to
virus infection. If allowed to exit, some CAT units may try to
port across a street. Fatal errors may happen. These errors are
never recoverable. Such situations are not covered by warranties.
If you decide to let your CAT out, it should have a READ_ME.TXT
file with a system address and URL.

Your CAT should have a system name. The name may have to be
repeated until the system can read it correctly. This lets you
issue voice commands to bring the unit to an online state. Many
owners give their CATs a secret password as well. You can also
get the CATs attention by booting the system. While this is
effective, it is discouraged. Too much booting will abuse the
system. The manufacturer is not responsible for injuries to the


MOUSE is a killer app. This is pre-installed. At present, there
are few productivity applications for CAT. Many owners use their
system for game playing. CATs play best when they are young.
Older units suffer a system timing decay which leads to reduced
response and flexibility. Some of the better CAT games are:


The CAT will CACHE a data code. Similar to the K9 unit game, but
the object code must be smaller.


Place the unit in front of a mirror and watch it attempt to parse
itself. Some units may ESCape. Reboot the system by calling its


The CAT attempts to parse a data string.


Move the data string through the air. The CAT unit will reach new
heights of operation.


Played between two CAT units or a CAT and a K9 unit. Units take
turns as one is the data and the other attempts to parse it.


Offer fishy data code to elicit a range of audio output.


CATs will self recharge. This takes 20 hours in a 24 hour cycle.
CATs are self cleaning and require little user maintenance. Do
not clean the unit with alcohol or benzine-based solvents. This
can lead to violent explosions.

A CAT unit should be taken once a year to a VET (Very Expensive
Technician) for a system checkup. Do not attempt to open a CAT.
There are no user serviceable parts inside. If a unit emits
strange smells or sounds, it should be serviced immediately by a

You may examine the CAT system to determine if it has a male or
female scuzzy port. If the port is male, then the CAT unit may
emit a non-toxic aerosol. The VET can remove this component. CATs
with female ports are plagued by periodic heating problems. The
VET can fix this permanently by removing an internal part.


CAT systems are normally user friendly. However, in certain
documented situations, a CAT may pose a danger to the user.
Repeated jamming or obstruction of air ports may lead to a CAT
deploying its auto defense mechanisms. Do not strike a CAT. Its
CPU clock rate is over 500 mHz. Twin D-shaped five-pin connectors
have an average seek rate of 3 milliseconds. Children should not
poke anything into the CATs I/O ports. CAT may BYTE.

In dry, cold weather, a surface electrostatic charge may build
up. To avoid electric shock, stand on an insulated surface. Do
not operate the CAT above water. This may lead to user damage.
Carry a CAT firmly. Do not swing it by its tail.

Service Life:

As CATs become older, the learn program will recognize every
situation. The CAT may become too smart for its own good. The
Ctrl key on many CAT units is defective. CATs like to have their
own toys. They often have hobbies, such as bird watching or
studying tropical fish.

If you properly care for your CAT, it will give you years of
loyal service. Many users get a second or even third unit. Most
users dont need the extra capacity, but they enjoy the ability
to run complex simulation games.

User Groups:

CAT users can find other users on the msn group called
The Scratching Post.

Lifetime Warranty:

The CAT unit is guaranteed against catastrophic failure. Nine
coupons are included.


Models Main frame, desktop and laptop models (smallest footprint
in the industry). Interface Touch sensitive interface for
maximum user friendliness. Memory 16 MB with 1 MB in ROM.
Upgrades available real soon now. Expected Lifetime 12 years with
+/- 72 months (although 20 years are common).

Weight 3-6 kilograms without optional cables. Speed 3
milliseconds search/find with self-uprighting supertwist
technology. Color Graphics Either paper white, monochrome
(black/white), 64 grey shades, or maximum of 16 million colors
with 40 gigabits of high resolution pixels. Sound Chip 16
octaves, digital MIDI output (MI/OU). Power Consumption 250 grams
protein daily (2 micrograms per second.) Operating Range -30 to
+45 deg C (-22 to 105 degF) Vibration 5-500 Hz, one octave/min,
dwell at all resonance points.

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