Three men (an Aussie, an Irish bloke and a German fella) are in an old plane trying to make it around the world. As they pass Germany, the German fella yells, I love my country! and throws a bag of gold overboard.

When they pass Ireland, the Irish bloke shouts, I love my country! and throws a bag of silver overboard.

When they pass Australia, the Aussie yells, I hate my country! and he throws a bomb overboard.

They finished their flight soon thereafter. When the German gets back to his country, he walks along happily until he sees a small boy crying. Whats wrong? he asks. Can I help?

The little boy cries, A bag of gold hit my mother on the head, and now shes unconscious in the hospital. The German walks away, feeling sorry for the little fella.

When the Irish bloke gets to his country, he sees a little girl crying in the street, and he asks her whats wrong. The little girl replies, My mother got hit on the head with a bag of silver, and now shes in the hospital. The Irish bloke walks off in shame.

When the Aussie gets back, he finds a little boy in the street laughing like a maniac. Whats so funny? the Aussie asks.

The little boy gasps, My dad and I were out gardening, and my dad cut such a huge fart that it blew up the house!

A lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods.
Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with poop, crossed her path.

Oh, my, exclaimed the lady, Come on, Ill clean you!
She took a Kleenex from her purse and cleaned the little critter.

She walked a little farther and another duck, with poop all over it, crossed her way. Again she took a Kleenex and cleaned the little bird.

Then she encountered a third duck, with the same problem.
And for the third time, she acted like a Florence Nightingale.

She walked on still farther and she heard a voice from the bushes calling… Pssssst…Hey, lady!

Yes? she responded.
Do you have a Kleenex? asked the voice from the bushes.

No, not anymore, she answered.
Damn! Have ya seen any Ducks?

Two zebras are talking and one asks the other, Am I black with white
stripes or white with black stripes?

The other replies, Well I dont
know. You should pray to God about that and ask him.

So that night he did and God replied, You are what you are.

The next day he said to the other
zebra, I still dont understand what I am because God just said, You are
what you are.

The second zebra responds, You must be white with black stripes or else God would have said, Yo is what yo is.

A: No, you should eat your fingers separately.

A duck walks in to a drug store and asks for a condom.

The sales person comes back with the condom and says Put this on your bill sir to which the duck replies what do you think IM a dickhead!

How Does a dummy kill a mole? He buries it.

Q: What do you get when you cross a giraffe with a hedghog?
A: A six-foot toothbrush.

A kangaroo mom with seven babies in her pouch told another kangaroo mom, These sleepovers are killing me!

There was an old man named Bozo, and all he had was a female donkey. One day he wins the lottery and gets $50,000. He doesnt know what to do with his money, so he decides to spend a night in a five star hotel. He asks for the finest room and starts going up the stairs with his female donkey. The manager sees him and asks where hes going with his donkey.
Anywhere I go, she goes.
Im sorry, sir, said the manager, but you cant take the donkey upstairs. Leave it down here with us and well take good care of her. So Bozo goes up to his room and opens the door. Everything is made of gold, there is a table full of food, and a huge television. He doesnt want to ruin anything so he takes his raggedy coat off and sleeps on the floor. The next morning the manager comes up to the room and asks how his night was.
Great! replied Bozo. How much do I have to pay? he asks.
One thousand dollars for the food.
But I havent touched the food.
It was right there, so you should have. Two thousand dollars for the TV.
But I didnt even know how to turn the damn thing on!
It was there, so you should have. Five thousand for sleeping on the bed.
But I slept on the floor!
It was there. Your total is eight thousand dollars.
You owe me ten thousand dollars for screwing my donkey.
But sir, I didnt screw your donkey.
It was there. You should have!

A: To invent the other side.