Heres a story, that actually did happen.

On July 2nd 1982, Larry Walters, a truck driver from North Hollywood, California, fulfilled a life-long dream. While visiting some friends in San Pedro, Ca., he attached 45 weather balloons and several gallon jugs of water to a lawn chair, tethered it to the ground, and filled the balloons with helium. Then, equipped with a parachute, a large bottle of soda, a hand-held citizens band radio, and an air pistol, he had his friends cut the tethers.

Larrys lawn chair, the Inspiration I, immediately and unexpectedly shot up to an elevation of 16,000 feet, and then began drifting east, eventually over the Long Beach airport, where he was spotted by two airliner pilots, who reported to the tower a guy in a lawn chair drifting by.

Larry attempted to land by shooting out some of the balloons with his air pistol, but lost it overboard before he could affect a rapid decent. He then broadcast a mayday on his radio, which was received by a CB club in Orange County.

Larry did manage to decend eventually. His balloons and cable became entangled in some power lines, knocking out power in a Long Beach neighborhood for 20 minutes, but he was uninjured, and his chair was left dangling a few feet above the ground.

The Long Beach Police did not arrest him, nor did they file any charges, but the Federal Aviation Administration was determined to bring him up on =something=. He eventually paid $1,500 in fines. Naturally, he made the talk show circuit, and quit his job to go on the lecture circuit, too. He also earned first prize from the Bonehead Club of Dallas, Texas, and to this day receives honorable mention on many Darwin Awards lists.

And of course, urban legends have a habit of growing like any other kind: Later versions of this tale have him drifting into the main approach corridor of Los Angeles International Airport, and being rescued mid-air by a helicopter, out over the Pacific Ocean …

I was flying from San Francisco to Los Angeles. By the time we took off, there had been a 45-minute delay and everybody on board was ticked. Unexpectedly, we stopped in Sacramento on the way. The flight attendant explained that there would be another 45-minute delay, and if we wanted to get off the aircraft, we would reboard in thirty minutes.

Everybody got off the plane except one gentleman who was blind. I noticed him as I walked by and could tell he had flown before because his seeing eye dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of him throughout the entire flight. I could also tell he had flown this very flight before because the pilot approached him and, calling him by name, said, Keith, were in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?

Keith replied, No thanks, but maybe my dog would like to stretch his legs. Would you take him for me please?

Now picture this. All the people in the gate area came to a completely quiet standstill when they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane with a seeing eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses that day. People scattered not only trying to change planes but also trying to change airlines!

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

A farmer and his wife went to a fair. The farmer was fascinated by the airplanes and asked a pilot how much a ride would cost.

$10 for 3 minutes, replied the pilot.



Thats too much, said the farmer.



The pilot thought for a second and then said, Ill make you a deal. If you and your wife ride for 3 minutes without uttering a sound, the ride will be free. But if you make a sound, youll have to pay $10.



The farmer and his wife agreed and went for a wild ride. After they landed, the pilot said to the farmer, I want to congratulate you for not making a sound. You are a brave man.



Maybe so, said the farmer, But I gotta tell ya, I almost screamed when my wife fell out.

PlateICNCYDU
MeaningI see inside you, a radiologists plate

PlateCYIMBRK
MeaningSee Why Im broke, found on a cherry 95 ford 3/4 ton truck

PlateOH2B39
MeaningA woman in her early 50s has had this plate for about the last ten years

PlateYURNEXT
MeaningOn the car of an undertaker

Plate1DFOAL
MeaningWonderful (On a Ford Mustang. Get it? Foal as in baby horse)

Plate4SAFETY
MeaningOn a Volvo, what else?

Plate9MPGWOW
Meaning9 Miles Per Gallon, Wow! On a 1966 Cadillac Sedan DeVille

PlateAV8RX
MeaningAviatrix (female pilot)

PlateKPASAMDK
Meaning(Que) Pasa MD [Whats up Doc?]

PlateTOOLONG
MeaningOn a Lincoln super-long limo owned by Super Limousine, Seattle, WA.

PlateW8N4FRI
MeaningWaitin for Friday…join the club!

PlateWNDWS95
MeaningWindows 95, On a customized 95 Chevy Astro Van

PlateXKWIZIT
MeaningExquisite, on a 56 speedster

PlateZMEGOBYU
MeaningSee me go by you!

PlateCME4AD8
MeaningSee me for a date

PlateCME4DK
MeaningSee me for decay, on a dentists car

U.S.Air: When you just cant wait for the world to come to you.
U.S.Air: Were Amtrak with wings.
Join our frequent near-miss program.
On certain flights, every section is a smoking section.
Ask about our out-of-court settlements.
Our staff has had lots of experience consoling next-of-kin.
Are our jet engines too noisy? Dont worry. Well turn them off.
Complimentary champagne during free-fall.
Enjoy the in-flight movie in the plane next to you.
The kids will love our inflatable slides.
You think its so easy, get your own damn plane!
Which will fall faster, our stock price or our planes?
Our pilots are all terminally ill and have nothing to lose.
U.S.Air: We may be landing on your street.
U.S.Air: Terrorists are afraid to fly with us.
Bring a bathing suit.
Some airlines are content to fly thousands of feet over landmarks. We try to get as close as possible for the best view.
That guy who crashed into the White House was one of our best pilots.
Fly U.S.Air. Find out if there really is a God.
U.S.Air: A real man lands where he wants to.

A Mexican newspaper reports that bored Royal Air Force pilots stationed on the Falkland Islands have devised what they consider a marvelous new game.

Noting that the local penguins are fascinated by airplanes, the pilots searchout a beach where the birds are gathered and fly slowly along it at the waters edge. Perhaps ten thousand penguins turn their heads in unison watching the planes go by, and when the pilots turn around and fly back, the birds turn their heads in the opposite direction, like spectators at a slow-motion tennis match.

Then, the paper reports, The pilots fly out to sea and directly to the penguin colony and overfly it.

Heads go up, up, up, and ten thousand penguins fall over gently onto their backs.

Audubon Society Magazine

(and thanks to Thom Wright)

Justin Williams told this joke on his Cajun Cooking show:

Two Cajuns, Rober and Maurice, decided that hunting possums had gotten too dull, so they planned a trip to Canada to shoot moose. They flew in commercial planes all the way to Saskatoon, and from there, they hired a bush pilot to take them in a little plane into moose country.

The pilot put them down in a short little airstrip about 200 kms from nowhere.

Boys, he said, Ill be back here at noon in three days. You be right here, and remember that this plane is too small to carry more than the three of us and ONE moose. So, theres no need to hunting more than ONE moose, because you wont be able to take but one out of here.

Robert and Maurice nodded agreement, and off the plane went, leaving the two Cajuns in the wilderness, eager for their hunting expedition.

On the third day, the plane landed at 11:55 local time, and there beside the airstrip were Robert and Maurice, each sitting on a moose, grinning broadly.

OK, said the pilot, which moose are we going to take back?

Why, both of them, said Rober, we got to take these meese back to show that we are both as good as the other.

No, no, NO, said the pilot, I told you that the plane could bring back only ONE moose.

Whats the matter? asked Maurice, aint yo plane good enough to carry one little ol extra moose? We got two meese on a plane just like this one last year.

OK, agrees the pilot, aint nobody going to out-fly me around here. If you got two moose on that plane, you can get two moose on my plane.

So, they load up, take off, and the plane, as predicted, cant handle the extra load, and they CRASH.

The two Cajuns wake up in adjacent tree tops, and Rober asks, Where ARE we?

Maurice reponds, About 100 yards further that we were last year!

The United States of America apologizes to the Peoples Republic of China for allowing our slow, lumbering reconnaissance plane to be hit by your poorly trained, hot-dogging fighter pilot, while flying in international airspace.

Were sorry we have to fly surveillance missions to monitor a country that has nuclear missiles pointed at us.

Were sorry your pilot didnt follow international standards of fighter intercept protocol.

Were sorry his aircraft recognition skills were so poor he didnt realize the EP-3 aircraft was propeller driven and flew his aircraft through its propeller arc, destroying his aircraft and nearly killing 24 American crewmen.

Were sorry your fighter pilots survival training and equipment was so inadequate that he couldnt survive until your poorly trained and equipped navy could find him (they turned down our offer for search and rescue assistance).

Were sorry you violated international law and arrested the crewmen of an aircraft that legally diverted into your airfield under emergency conditions caused by your pilots actions, after being led there by one of your other pilots.

Were sorry you violated international law and boarded a state aircraft.

Were sorry the world is now seeing you for the enemy of freedom, truth, and democracy that you really are.

Were sorry you see yourself as a superpower when in reality you are a third world nation (the average Chinese worker earns less than $.10 a day).

Were sorry you are loosing so much face over this.

Were sorry that you were able to steal some missile and nuclear secrets from us.

Were sorry you havent learned from the Soviet Unions collapse and failed to embrace democracy and capitalism (compare tiny Taiwan and mainland China; same people, same culture, but Taiwans capitalistic economy is a powerhouse and Chinas economy is still mired in communism).

Were sorry for the future Chinese military deaths that will occur when we retaliate for your roguish behavior.

And most of all, were sorry for the Chinese people who suffer its leaders incompetence.

Sincerely,

Rob Robinette

Citizen of the United States of America

P.S. If a speed boat goes out to inspect a cruise ship and they collide, who do you think is at fault?

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.

(P)= PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION



(P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft.



(P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear. (S) Evidence removed.



(P) DME volume unbelievably loud. (S) Volume set to more believable level.



(P) Dead bugs on windshield. (S) Live bugs on order.



(P) Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent. (S) Cannot reproduce problem on the ground.



(P) IFF inoperative. (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



(P) Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. (S) Thats what they are there for.



(P) Number three engine missing. (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search.



(P) Aircraft handles FUNNY. (S) Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right and be serious.



(P) Target radar hums. (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words.

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: I am placed in the door with my seeing eye dog and told when to jump. My hand is placed on my release ring for me and out I go with the dog.

But how do you know when you are going to land? he was asked. I have a very keen sense of smell, and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground he answered.

But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground? he was again asked. He quickly answered: Oh, the dogs leash goes slack.