On the other hand, you have different fingers.

I love cats…they taste just like chicken

Laugh alone and the world thinks youre an idiot.

Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician

I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather…. Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car….

Your kid may be an honor student but youre still an IDIOT!

I souport publik edekasion

We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.

Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

Auntie Em: Hate you, Hate Kansas, Taking the dog. -Dorothy.

My karma ran over your dogma.

I brake for… wait… AAAH! NO BRAKES!!!!!

A fool and his money are a girls best friend.

Im not driving fast-just flying low.

Help starve a feeding bureaucrat.

My other vehicle is a Romulan Warbird!

Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.

I is a college student.

If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.

I dont have a dirty mind. (I wash it every day…)

Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!

According to my calculations the problem doesnt exist.

Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.

How Can I Miss You if You Wont Go Away?

Seen on a womans car: Men call us birds, we pick up worms

Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

I like you, but I wouldnt want to see you working with sub-atomic particles.

If you are psychic – think HONK

If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!

Youre just jealous because the voices are talking to me and not you!

Dont get me mad! Im running out of places to hide the bodies!

You are depriving some poor village of its idiot!

Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.

My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom

Grow your own dope, plant a man.

All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets

Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.

Ambivalent? Well yes and no….

Does your train of thought have a caboose?

Is it time for your medication or mine?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted a paycheck

How do I set the laser printer to stun?

Im not tense, just terribly, terribly alert….

Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.

Dont bother me. Im living happily ever after.

I started out with nothing & still have most of it left.

And your crybaby, whiny opinion would be … ?

A woman driver bumped into a guys car and did a fair amount of damage. The male driver asked why she did it, and she replied, Because I wanted to. Thats all the reason I need.

Then the driver said, You ignorant bitch! Stand in this circle and dont move, then I will mess up your car to teach you a lesson!

He started by hitting it with a bat, but the blonde started laughing, so the driver turned around, and she stopped laughing.

Then he started ripping up the seat, and again she started laughing, so he turned around, at which point the blonde stopped laughing again.

Then he started messing up the whole car then she started laughing again, so the driver finally asked her why she was laughing and she said, Well every time you had your back turned I stepped ouy of the circle, so there!