(This got passed around Microsoft a few days ago. Thought you might
appreciate it. – Ellen)

Hardware Question of the Day

A dealer calls in, having problems with the interrupt jumpers on a bus mouse
card. After I informed this person that jumper information is on page 9 of the
Mouse Users Guide, and gave the proper jumper setting, the dealer said: Can
you hold on while I give it a try?

The telephone clicked against the desk on the other end as the receiver was
set down. The following conversation ensued:

(in whispers)

Hes right. It is on page 9.

I told you to look in the book.

I know, I know. Hes still on the line. You talk to him.

I didnt call him. I didnt screw up. You talk to him.

Why dont you just hang it up. Maybe he wont notice.

Okay.

Cluck. Click. Buzz (dial tone).

-Glen

The residents of Silicon Valley are more confused than usual after a billboard campaign by the National Multiple Sclerosis Society of America used this line in an ad slogan MS, its not a software company … exploiting the fame of a certain company to draw attention to an altogether worthier cause.

Requests to comment on the campaign have been met by a surly silence by Microsoft, which doesnt relish the association of ideas but is painfully aware that it cant afford to appear insensitive over such an issue.

Seasoned information technology professionals will have no trouble telling the two MSs apart One is a debilitating and surprisingly widespread affliction that renders the sufferer barely able to perform the simplest task.

The other is a disease.

[Thanks to DZ]

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a
long flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the
Engineer and asks if he would like to play a fun game. The
Engineer just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and
rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The Programmer
persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta fun.
He explains I ask you a question, and if you dont know the
answer, you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I dont
know the answer, Ill pay you $5. Again, the Engineer politely
declines and tries to get to sleep. The Programmer,
now somewhat agitated, says, OK, if you dont know the
answer you pay me $5, and if I dont know the answer, Ill pay
you $50! This catches the Engineers attention, and he sees
no end to this torment unless he plays, so he agrees to the game.

The Programmer asks the first question. Whats the distance
from the earth to the moon? The Engineer doesnt say a word, but
reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar bill and hands it to the

Programmer. Now, its the Engineers turn. He asks the Programmer
What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down on four? The
Programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his
laptop computer and searches all of his references. He taps into
the Airphone with his modem and searches the net and the Library
of Congress. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers — all to
no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50.
The Engineer politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back
to sleep. The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the
Engineer and asks Well, so whats the answer? Without a word,
the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer $5,
and turns away to get back to sleep.

Three women were dressing after an aerobics workout and talking about their spouses. My husband, said the first, is a marriage counselor. He always buys me candy or flowers before we make love.

Mine is a jeweler, the second said. he always brings me a pearl or two before we make love.

The third woman paused … Well, she finally said, my husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great its going to be when I get it.

YO COMPUTER IS SO SMART THAT IT FINISH YOUR HOMEWORK BEFORE YOU WHEN YOU TAKE 5 HOURS HE ONLY TOOK 1 MINUTE ON A COLLEGE PAPER.

You may have noticed that a new TV ad for Microsofts Internet Explorer e-mail program uses the musical theme of the Confutatis Maledictis from the Mozarts Requiem.

Where do you want to go today? is the cheery line on the screen.

Meanwhile, the chorus sings Confutatis maledictis, flammis acribus addictis, which means, The damned and accursed are convicted to flames of hell.

You kiss your girlfriends home page.

A VRML virtual walk through a park is your idea of a good date.

Your bookmark takes 15 minutes to scroll from top to bottom.

Your eyeglasses have a web site burned in on them.

All your daydreaming is preoccupied with getting a faster connection to the net: 28.8…ISDN…cable modem…T1…T3.

And even your night dreams are in HTML.

You turn off your modem and get this awful empty feeling, like you just pulled the plug on a loved one.

You refer to going to the bathroom as downloading.

You start introducing yourself as Jim at I-I-Net dot net dot au

Here is a basic descriptions of what may happen if an airplane had a specific operating system running.

NT: The terminal and flight attendants all look like those the Windows plane uses, but the process of checking in and going through security is a nightmare. Once aboard, those passengers with first class tickets can go anywhere they want and arrive in half the time, while the vast majority of passengers with coach tickets cant even get aboard.

Monitor – Keep an eye on the wood stove

Scsi – What you call your week-old underwear.