What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job!

Bholaji ( to doctor ) : Doctor, I have a problem.

Doctor : Whats your problem?

Bholaji : I keep forgetting things.

Doctor : Since when do you have this problem?

Bholaji : What problem?

Top Ten Reasons Why God Created Eve

10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the Garden.

9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.

8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.

7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctors, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.

6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.

5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.

4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.

3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.

2. As the Bible says, It is not good for man to be alone.

And finally, the Number 1 reason why God created Eve…

1. When God finished the creation of Adam, He stepped back, scratched his head, and said, I can do better than that!

How come wrong numbers are never busy?

Do people in Australia call the rest of the world up over?

Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?

Can a stupid person be a smart-ass?

Does killing time damage eternity?

Why doesnt Tarzan have a beard?

Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?

Why is it that night falls but day breaks?

Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?

Why is it that when youre driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?

Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?

Daylight savings time – why are they saving it and where do they keep it?

Did Noah keep his bees in archives?

Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?

Do pilots take crash-courses?

Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter? [NOTE: Geo.
Washingtons picture is on a quarter]

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?

How can there be self-help groups?

How do you get off a non-stop flight?

How do you write zero in Roman numerals?

How many weeks are there in a light year?

If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?

If athletes get athletes foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?

If Barbies so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

If blind people wear dark glasses, why dont deaf people wear earmuffs?

If cats and dogs didnt have fur would we still pet them?

If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?

If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?

If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the way they do?

If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?

If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?

If you cant drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?

If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?

If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?

Why do the signs that say Slow Children have a picture of a running child?

Why do they call it chili if its hot?

Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?

Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?

Two cannibals, wandering around in the desert for days without food, hungry and desolate, all of a sudden, to their delight, they stumble upon a dead human carcass, pristine from any scavenger, so the two cannibals sink their teeth into the dead human flesh, tearing it apart, one starting from the head and one from the toes.

After a few minutes of eating, the guy at the head yells to the cannibal at the bottom, hey, how is it going down there?

The cannibal at the bottom says this is great, Im having a ball.

The guy at the top says slow down and enjoy it, youre eating too damn fast.

Two attorneys have planned to meet for lunch, but one of them shows up 30 minutes late.

The one whos been waiting asks his partner: What kept you?

I ran over a Coke bottle and got a flat tire.

A Coke bottle in the road? Didnt you see it?

No, the kid had it under his coat.

Stanford called the vet, Doctor, youve got to come right over! My pet pig just ate the TV remote control!Ill be right there.Thanks, but what do I do in the meantime? The vet said, Read a book.

An
older man goes to the Doctor in desire of a prescription
for Viagra. The Doctor looks over the man, and says,
"Viagra can be very dangerous and we do not just
dispense it indiscriminately. Please bring your wife
to my office next week and well discuss this in more
detail.

So the following week he shows up with his wife. The
Doctor asks to see the wife by herself for a few moments
and she follows him back to the examining room. The
doctor asks her to disrobe and she does. He then asks
her to turn around in 360 degrees a few times then instructs
her to get up on the examining table and to turn in
various positions. He then tells her she can get dressed
and goes out to meet the Male Patient. "Sir,"
The Doctor Says, "There is nothing wrong with you,
I couldnt get an erection either.

A middle-aged businessman took a young woman half his age as his wife. The fantasy of having a young woman in his bed soon became a nightmare when he found that he could not last long enough to satisfy his young bride. His wife, as understanding as she was exciting, told him that all was well even if he was quick to get out of the saddle. Determined to satisfy this sweet young thing, the man visited the doctor to get some advice.

Doctor, I cant seem to hold back for very long when I make love to my young wife and I cant satisfy her. What can I do?

The doctor smiled, patted him on the shoulder, and said in a professional manner, Try a bit of self-stimulation before having intercourse with your wife and youll find that youll last longer and ultimately satisfy her.

Okay, Doctor. If you think that will help.

Later that afternoon, his young bride called him at work to let him know that she would be attacking him at the front door when he arrived home. Be prepared, my darling, Im going to ravish you, she cooed over the phone.

Undaunted, the man decided to follow the doctors advice. But where? In the office? The Xerox room? What if someone walked in on him? He got in his truck and began the journey home. Soon he decided he would find a spot on the road to pull over, climb under the truck and pretend to be inspecting the rear axle, and do the deed there. A moment later, he pulled over, crawled beneath the truck, closed his eyes tightly, fantasized about his young wife, and began his therapy.

A few minutes later, just as he was about to complete his therapy session, he felt someone tugging on his pants leg. Keeping his eyes tightly shut to avoid ruining the fantasy he was enjoying, he said, Yes?

Sir, Im with the Police Department. Could you tell me what you are doing, please?

Yes, officer, Im inspecting my trucks rear axle, he replied confidently.

Well, you shouldve checked the brakes, your truck rolled down the hill a few minutes ago.

A guy walks into a doctors office and says D-D-Doctor, I h-have a s-stuttering p-p-problem.

The doc notices a big bulge in the guys crotch and says Lets have a look. The doc is shocked to see that the guy has a 17 schlong.

What you have is Stutterus Schlongus. I can cure your stuttering by cutting off 10 inches.

The guy says okay and the operation is done on the spot.

The next day the guys says Doc, my wife left me because of the operations. I dont care if I stutter, I want my schlong back!

The doc looks at the floor and says Its t-t-too l-l-late!!!