A little koala bear wanders into a whorehouse. He climbs the stairs and finds a door open. He goes in to the room to find a naked prostitute asleep on the bed. He quickly climbs into the bed and begins performing oral sex on the prostitute.

She wakes up and decides that since it feels so good shell let him finish. The koala finishes, wipes his chin, climbs off the bed and heads for the door. The prostitute jumps up and yells at him Hey, you have to pay for that. The koala shrugs and continues to head for the door.

The prostitute yells at him again, Hey you have to pay for that. Im a prostitute. She gets up and pulls a dictionary off a shelf and shows the koala the definition.

PROSTITUTE
(n) a person receiving payment for sexual services.
The koala shrugs, takes the dictionary and turns the pages to the definition of koala bear.

KOALA
(n.) a small bear that eats bushes and leaves.

An elderly couple are both lying in bed one morning, having just awaken from a good nights sleep.

He takes her hand and she responds, Dont touch me.

Why not, he asks. She answers back, Because Im dead.

The husband says to her, What are you talking about? Were both lying here in bed together and talking to one another.

The wife says, No, Im definitely dead.

Her husband insists, Youre not dead. What in the world makes you think youre dead?

His wife answers, I know Im dead, because I woke up this morning and nothing hurts!

An elderly lady came to see a young male doctor with her husband. After the consultation was finished, the elderly man suddenly asked the doctor for a piece of paper and a pen.

Although a strange request, he complied, and the man quickly wrote something, then handed the folded piece of paper to the doctor. He told him to read it as soon as they had left.

The doctor thought that the man perhaps had an embarrassing medical complaint he didnt want to talk about in front of his wife, so the doctor didnt hesitate in obeying the request.

Once the couple had left the room, the doctor sat down and read the piece of paper. Its contents were thus: Doctor, your fly is undone!

A young attorney, who had taken over his fathers practice, rushed home elated one night. Dad, listen, he shouted, Ive finally settled that old McKinney suit.

Settled it!! cried his astonished father.

Why, I gave that to you as an annuity for life.

A junior partner in a law firm was sent to a far away country to represent a long-term client accused of robbery.

After days of trial, the case was won, the client acquitted and released.

Excited about his success, the attorney e-mailed the firm: “Justice prevailed.”

The senior partner replied in haste, “Appeal immediately!

A young doctor had been treating his patient for diabetes for quite some time, using alternative methods, with excellent results.

His nurse, however, believed that the patient should be on insulin.

As a result, the patient had a few doubts and decided to ask him about it. She did so in the following manner: Doctor, If I were your mother, would I be on insulin now?

To which he replied, Absolutely not! Then, after a short pause, he added, She doesnt believe in doctors!

Three women were sitting around talking about their husbands performances as lovers. The first woman says My Husband works as a marriage counselor. He always buys me flowers and candy before we make love. I like that.

The second woman says, My husband is a motorcycle mechanic. He likes to play rough and slaps me around sometimes. I kinda like that.

The third woman just shakes her head and says, My husband works for Microsoft. He just sits on the edge of the bed and tells me how great its going to be when I get it.

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said: Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?

Yes, I know, said the lady, I need both hands to hold onto this hat.

But, madam, you must know that your privates are exposed! said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, Sir, anything you see down there is 85 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!

A man from Idaho goes to New York City, on business, for the first time. After checking in to the hotel he goes down to the bar to have a drink. He orders a rum and coke. The bartender gives it to him and says, That will be eight dollars.

He give the bartender the money and says, Man, everything is so expensive here in New York!

The bartender replies, It cant be that much more than where you live.

The man replies, Oh yes, it is! Why do you know that, in my home town, you can go out drinking all night for nothing! And if you feel youve had too much to drink. You can check into the finest hotel and spend the night for nothing! And not only that, when you wake up there is a twenty dollar bill on the pillow next to you!

The incredulous bartender says, I find that very hard to believe. Has that ever really happened to you?

The guy replies, Well no, not exactly…but it happens to my wife all the time!

A farmer and his daughter were coming back from town with their money from some sales and a large sack of flour when all of a sudden these highway men held them up and robbed them of everything.

A few minutes later the farmer exclaims, Were ruined, all the moneys gone and theres no flour for bread.

Then his daughter says, No, papa, I hid the money in my U-know-what.

The farmer said, Youre a good girl, but if your mama was here she could have saved the sack of flour as well!