An English prisoner of war was held by the Germans. The Englishman was shot all over the place, and okay until one day when the German told im, “Englander,your arm is infected with gangrene vee must cut it off.”
The English prisoner said, “Well, okay, but could you drop it over England when you go bombing?”
The German replied, “Ya, that vill not be a problem.”

A few weeks later the German tells the Englishman that they have to cut his other arm off. The Englishman says, “Well, could drop it over England like you did last time?”
“Ya, that vill be done,” says the German.

The next day the German tells him that they have to cut his leg off. Once again the Brit says, “Well, could you do the same as before?”
The German replies, “Vhy, ya.”
The next the German tells him they have to cut his other leg. “Well,” begins the Brit, “could you just…”
The German snapped, “No! We think you are trying to escape!”

A blonde was bragging about her knowledge of international capitals. She proudly said, "Go ahead and quiz me. I know all of them!" Her friend said, "O.K. then, whats the capital of France?" The blonde replied, "Oh, thats so easy! F."

What do they call abortion in Prague?

A cancelled Czech

Did you hear about the new Jewish car?

Not only does it stop on a dime, but it picks it up.

An Arab diplomat visiting the U.S. for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was unused to the salt in American foods (french fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water. Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned empty-handed. Abdul, you son of an ugly camel, where is my water? demanded the Grand Emir. A thousand pardons, O Illustrious One, stammered the wretched Abdul, white man sit on well.

During the winter of 1926, Thelma Goldstein from Chicago treated herself to her first real vacation in Florida. Being unfamiliar with the area, she wandered into a restricted hotel in North Miami. Excuse me, she said to the manager. My name is Mrs. Goldstein, and Id like a small room for two weeks.

Im awfully sorry, he replied, but all of our rooms are occupied. Just as he said that, a man came down and checked out.

What luck, said Mrs. Goldstein. Now theres a room.

Not so fast, madame. Im sorry, but this hotel is restricted. No Jews allowed.

Jewish? Whos Jewish? I happen to be Catholic.

I find that hard to believe. Let me ask you, who was the Son of God?

Jesus, Son of Mary.

Where was he born?

In a stable.

And why was he born in a stable?

Because a schmuck like you wouldnt let a Jew rent a room in his hotel.

An Aussie student was walking on campus one day when another Aussie rode up on a shiny new bicycle.

Where did you get such a nice bike? asked the first.

The second Aussie replied,
Well, yesterday I was walking along minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
Take what you want.

The first Aussie nodded approvingly.

Good choice, the clothes probably wouldnt have fitted.

Top Ten Things That Sound Dirty At The Office But Arent:

10. I need to whip it out by 5.

9. Mind if I use your laptop?

8. Just stick it in my box.

7. If I have to lick one more, Ill gag.

6. I want it on my desk, NOW!!!

5. HMMMMMMMM….I think its out of fluid.

4. My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.

3. Its an entry-level position.

2. When do you think youll be getting off today?

And the number 1 thing that sounds dirty in the office but isnt:

1. Its not fair…I do all the work while he just sits there.

Three guys were taking needles, two Americans and an [ethnic] guy.
The first American takes the drug and hands the needle to the second
American who cleans the needle, takes the drug and hands it to the [ethnic]
guy.

The [ethnic] guy takes the drug without cleaning the needle.

The two Americans yell at the [ethnic] guy, telling him he can get aids
from using a dirty needle.

The [ethnic] guy says No I cant. Im wearing a condom