The daughter of an Indian chief visits his doctor. She tells the doctor Big Chief no fart.

The doctor tells her to give him three pills a day.

The girl comes back the next day and tells the doctor, Big Chief no fart.

The doctor then gets really worried and tells her to give him ten pills an hour.

The girl comes back the next day and says, Big Chief no fart.

After hearing this the doctor gets so pissed off that he tells her to give him a jar an hour.

The next day the girl comes back crying and says Big fart no Chief!

Why do Jewish American Princesses close their eyes during sex?

So they can pretend they are shopping.

Why does Chanukah come before Christmas?

– So Jews can break up with their non Jewish girlfriends
in between.

Three Proofs That Jesus Was Jewish

He went into his fathers business
He lived at home until he was 33
He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God

Three Proofs That Jesus Was Irish

He never got married
He was always telling stories
He loved green pastures

Three Proofs That Jesus Was Puerto Rican

His first name was Jesus
He was bilingual
He was always being harassed by the authorities

Three Proofs That Jesus Was Italian

He talked with his hands
He had wine with every meal
He worked in the building trades

Three Proofs That Jesus Was Black

He called everybody brother
He liked Gospel
He couldnt get a fair trial

Three Proofs That Jesus Was A Californian

He never cut his hair
He walked around barefoot
He started a new religion

Three Proofs That Jesus Was A Woman

He had to feed a crowd, at a moments notice, when there was no food
He kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who just didnt get it
Even dead, he had to get up because there was more work for him to do.

Heard on UK Channel 4s Clive Anderson Talks Back, told by Frank Carson,
an Irish comedian:

A traffic policeman stops Sister Bridget for speeding. She pulls into
the side of the road and winds down her window. The officer walks
round and starts undoing his fly – Oh dear, she says, Not the
breathalyser again!

Why do white people go to black peoples yard sales?

To get their stuff back.

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and engage in animated conversation.

The lady sitting behind them ignores their conversation at first, but she listens in horror as one of the men says the following:

Emma come first. Den I come. Two asses, dey come together. I come again. Two asses, dey come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come once-a more.

You foul-mouthed swine, retorted the lady indignantly, in this country we dont talk about our sex lives in public!

Hey, coola down lady, said the man, Imma just tellun my friend howa to spella Mississippi.

Out in the middle of darkest Africa there was a White Missionary
living with a tribe of black natives.

On day the big chief comes along and calls the Missionary into
his hut, where he was sharpening his big axe. He explains to the white
man that his daughter has just given birth to a white baby, and
that since hes the only white man for thousands of miles, he will
be the main course that night.

Now just hang on a minute, give me a chance to explain chief,
says the Missionary. Youre jumping to conclusions here. Let me
tell you a story. See all those white sheep out in the field and
how theres one black one amongst them.

OK! says the Chief, You say nothing, I say nothing!

Three men are standing before St. Peter while he questions them about their lives.

Both the Italian and Irishman tell about working hard, being thrifty, putting their kids through college and going to church regularly. St. Peter is impressed and, taking them one by one, he says, There is one little test youll have to pass. How do you spell God?

They each answer, G-O-D, St. Peter tells each one, The Gates of Heaven are open to you.

The third man is black and his life story is about being single but living with six women, fathering twenty-five kids (with everyone on Welfare) and suffering from honky repression and discrimination.

Am I ever glad to be here, he says.

A very impressive story, St. Peter remarks, but, there is one little test you have to pass … how do you spell chrysanthemum?

McPherson walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

Scuse me, said another bar patron, who was puzzled over what McPherson had done. What was that all about?



Nothing, said the Irishman, my wife sent me out for a jar of olives.