161. Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?

A: Write Please turn over on both sides of a piece of paper

162. Q: Why arent there many blonde gymnasts?

A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

163. Q: Why do blondes have legs?

A1: So they dont get stuck to the ground.

A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.

A3: So they dont leave trails, like little snails.

164. Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?

A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

165. Q: What is the irritating part around a blondes vagina?

A: The Blonde!

166. Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?

A: Flattered.

167. Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?

A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-

1.

168. Q: Did you hear about the blondes who froze to death at the Drive Inn Theater?

A: They went to see Closed for the Season

169. Q: What did the blonde say when asked if shed ever been picked up by the fuzz?

A: No. But Ive been swung around by the tits.

170. Q: What do you call a brunette with a blonde on either side?

A: An interpreter.

171. Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?

A: A mental block.

172. Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?

A: A wind tunnel.

173. Q: What do you call 25 blondes on top of each other?

A: An air mattress.

174. Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?

A: A dope ring.

175. Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?

A: Sweet Fuck All…

176. Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?

A: Frosted Flakes.

177. Q: What do you call five blondes at the bottom of the pool?

A: Air bubbles.

178. Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?

A: Frosted Flakes.

179. Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?

A: Last years hide-and-seek champ.

180. Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blondes head?

A: A Space Invader.

Yo mamas like…

– Yo mamas like a T.V., even a two-year-old could turn her on.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball. Shes picked up, fingered, thrown in the gutter, and then comes back for more.
– Yo mamas like a rifle…four cocks and shes loaded.
– Yo mamas like a bubble gum machine…five cents a blow.
– Yo mamas like Chinese food…sweet, sour, and cheap.
– Yo mamas like a birthday cake, everybody gets a piece.
– Yo mamas like Burger King… Your way, right away.
– Yo mamas like a squirrel, shes always got some nuts in her mouth.
– Yo mamas like 7-Eleven… open all night, hot to go, and for 89 cents you can get a slurpy.
– Yo mamas like a toilet, fat, white, and smells like shit.
– Yo mamas like the Bermuda Triangle, they both swallow a lot of seamen.
– Yo mamas like a street lamp, you can find her turned on at night on any street corner.
– Yo mamas like a telephone booth, open to the public, costs a quarter, and guys go in and out all day.
– Yo mamas like a 747, she has a very large cockpit.
– Yo mamas like a microwave, one button and shes hot.
– Yo mamas like speakers, loud, ugly, lives in a box, and you can turn her up, down, on, and off.
– Yo mamas like a mail box, open day and night.
– Yo mamas like a bag of potato chips, Free-To-Lay.
– Yo mamas like a turtle, once shes on her back shes fucked.
– Yo mamas like a paper towel, she picks up all kinds of slimy wet stuff.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball, you can fit three fingers in.
– Yo mamas like a bowling ball, she always winds up in the gutter.
– Yo mamas like cheap liquor, tastes like shit.
– Yo mamas like an aircraft carrier, has a flat top, a big bottom, cruises up and down the coast, and picks up 100 sailors in every port.
– Yo mamas like a bus, guys climb on and off her all day long.
– Yo mamas like a Christmas tree, everybody hangs balls on her.
– Yo mamas like a door knob, everybody gets a turn.
– Yo mamas like Dominoes Pizza, something for nothing.
– Yo mamas like Dominoes Pizza, one call does it all.
– Yo mamas like Pizza Hut, if she isnt there in 30 minutes… its free.
– Yo mamas like Sprint, 10 cents a minute anywhere in the country.
– Yo mamas like a carpenters dream, flat as a board and easy to nail.
– Yo mamas like a gas station… you gotta pay before you pump.
– Yo mamas like a goalie: she changes her pads after three periods.
– Yo mamas like a light switch, even a little kid can turn her on.
– Yo mamas like a telephone, even a 3 year old can pick her up.
– Yo mamas like a postage stamp, you lick her, stick her, then send her away.
– Yo mamas like a dollar bill, she gets handled all across the country.
– Yo mamas like a brick, dirty, flat on both sides, and always getting laid by Mexicans.
– Yo mamas like a race car driver… she burns a lot of rubbers.
– Yo mamas like a railroad track, she gets laid all over the country.
– Yo mamas like a screen door, after a couple of bangs she loosens up.
– Yo mamas like a shotgun, one cock and she blows.
– Yo mamas like a Toyota, OOooh what a feeling!
– Yo mamas like a vacuum cleaner… a real good suck.
– Yo mamas like a vacuum cleaner… she sucks, blows, and then gets laid in the closet.
– Yo mamas like an ice cream cone… everyone gets a lick.
– Yo mamas like the Panama Canal, vessels full of seamen pass through her everyday.
– Yo mamas like a refrigerator, everyone puts their meat in her.
– Yo mamas like cake mix, 15 servings per package!
– Yo mamas like an elevator, guys go up and down on her all day.
– Yo mamas like Dennys… open 24 hours.
– Yo mamas like McDonalds… Billions and Billions served.
– Yo mamas like McDonalds… What you want is what you get.
– Yo mamas like mustard, she spreads easy.
– Yo mamas like the Pillsbury dough boy… everybody pokes her.
– Yo mamas like lettuce, $1 a head.
– Yo mamas like a hardware store, 25 cents a screw.
Your momma is so fat… the back of her neck looks like a pack of hot dogs!
– Yo momma is so ugly, she entered and ugly contest and one of the judges said Sorry…No proffessionals allowed!!!
-Yo mommas so fat, when the lord said – Let There Be Light, he had to ask her to move over!
-Yo mamas teeth are so yellow that when she smiles, people SLOW DOWN!
-Yo mama is so fat, she walked into a resturant took one look at the menu and said,yes please!
-Yo momma so fat, the last time she saw 90210 was on a scale!
-Yo mommas so fat she had to get baptised at Sea World!
-Whenever your mamma farts, she causes a continental drift!
-Yo mommas so fat even if she was the last person alive, the world would still be over populated!

Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat.
The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat.

The doors were all bolted, the phone off the hook,
It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.

Momma in her teddy and I in the nude,
Had just hit the bedroom and reached for the lube.

When out on the lawn there arose such a cry,
That I lost my boner, and momma went dry.

Up to the window I sprang like an elf,
Tore back the shade while she played with herself.

The moon on the crest of the snowman wed built,
Showed a broom up his ass, clean up to the hilt.

When what to my wondering eyes should appear,
But a rusty old sleigh and eight mangey reindeer.

With a fat little driver, half out of the sled,
A sock in his ear and a bra on his head.

Sure as Im speaking, he was high as a kite,
And he yelled to his team, but it didnt sound right.

Woa Shithead, woa Asshole, woa Stupid, woa Putz,
Either slow down this rig or Ill cut off your nuts.

Look out for the lamp post, and dont hit the tree,
Quit shaking the sleigh, cause I gotta go pee.

They cleared the old lamp post, the tree got a rub,
Just as Santa leaned out and threw up on my shrub.

And then from the roof we heard such a clatter,
As each little reindeer now emptied his bladder.

I was donning my jockies, to cover my ass,
When down the chimney Santa came with a crash.

His suit was all smelly with perfume galore,
He looked like a bum and he smelled like a whore.

That was some brothel, he said with a smile,
The reindeer are pooped, and Ill just stay awhile

He walked to the kitchen for himself poured a drink,
Then whipped out his pecker and pissed in the sink.

I started to laugh, my wife smiled with glee,
The old boy was hung nearly down to his knee.

Back in the den, Santa reached in his sack,
But his toys were all gone, and some new things were packed.

The first thing he found was a pair of false tits,
The next was a handgun with a penis that spits.

A box filled with condoms was Santas next find,
And six pair of panties, the edible kind.

A bra without nipples, a penis extension,
And several more things I shouldnt even mention.

A fuck ring, a G-string, and all types of oil,
And a dildo so long that it lay in a coil.

This stuff aint for kids, Mrs. Santa will shit,
So Ill leave em here, and then Ill just split.

He filled every stocking and then took his leave,
With one tiny butt plug stuck under his sleeve.

He sprang to his sleigh, but his feet were like lead,
Thus he fell on his ass and broke wind instead.

In time he was seated, took reigns of his hitch,
Saying, Take me home, Rudolf. This nights been a bitch!

The sleigh was near gone when we heard Santa shout,
The best thing about pussy is you cant wear it out!

Little Martin is four years old. One day while he was pestering his mother,she said, Why dont you go across the street and watch the builders work, maybe you will learn something.

Martin was gone about two hours. When he came home, his mother asked him what he had learned.

Martin replied – Well first you put the goddamn door up. Then the son of a bitch doesnt fit so you have to take the cock sucker down. Then you have to shave a cunt hair off each side and put the mother fucker back up.

Martins mother said, Wait until your father gets home.

When Martins father got home, Martins mum told him to ask Martin what he had learnt today. When Martin told him the whole story, dad said, Martin, go outside and get me a switch.

Martin replied, Get fucked. Thats the electricians job.

Q-What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm?

A-How are we suposed to find an egg in all of this shit?

(From: JIM DAMICO DTN: 261-3257)

Forms for NH and MA

Application for Permission to Live in New Hampshire

NAME:

ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
White ( )

TYPE OF CARS OWNED:
Pickup Truck ( )
You dont own any Foreign cars, do you? NO ( )

CAR EQUIPMENT:
Gun Rack ( ) Stash ( ) CB ( ) Beer Holder ( )
Playboy air freshener ( )

BUMPER STICKERS:
Ex-wife in trunk ( )
If Guns are Outlawed, Only Outlaws Will Have Guns ( )
Bush/Quayle ( )
Shit Happens ( )
If you dont like my driving, get off the sidewalk ( )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Heterosexual ( )

FAVORITE CAUSE: NRA ( ) Pro-life ( )

Total given to these causes in the last 12 months:

FAVORITE DRUGS:
Grass ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?:
(check all that apply)
Democrats ( ) Welfare ( ) N.O.W. ( )

FAVORITE BEER:
Miller ( ) Michelob ( ) Bud ( )

FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
Dont Care ( )

CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
NRA ( )

How Automatic Weapons do you own?

5 ( ) 10 ( ) More than that ( )

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Benny Hill ( )

Application for Permission to Live in Massachusetts

NAME:
(extra space left due to new social awareness)

ETHNIC INFORMATION: (voluntary)
Eskimo ( ) American Indian ( ) Hispanic ( ) Asian ( )
African-American ( ) American-African ( ) Black-American ( )
Other Group With A Long History Of Oppression By White Males ( )
(specify, so we can help you form a political action group)

TYPE OF CARS OWNED (pick two):
SAAB ( ) Volvo ( ) BMW ( ) Mercedes ( ) Honda ( )

You dont own any American cars, do you? NO ( )

CAR EQUIPMENT:
Blaupunkt ( ) Passport ( ) Escort ( ) Vuarnet Sunglasses ( )
Stash ( ) CD ( ) Cellular Phone ( ) Ski Rack ( )
Bicycle Rack ( ) Wine Rack ( )

BUMPER STICKERS:
You cant hug a child with nuclear arms ( ) Greenpeace ( )
Dukakis/Bentsen ( ) Save the Whales ( ) Farms not Arms ( )

SEXUAL ORIENTATION: Gay ( ) Lesbian ( ) Other ( )
(note: failure to give the proper answer to the above means you cant
live in certain towns on the Cape, or get elected to Congress)

FAVORITE CAUSE: Whales ( ) Baby Seals ( ) Snail Darter ( )
Total given to these causes in the last 12 months:

FAVORITE DRUGS:
Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Kittys Diet Plan ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE BANNED?:
(check all that apply)
The Bomb ( ) Handguns ( ) All guns ( ) Nuclear Power ( )
Cigarettes ( ) The NRA ( ) Republicans ( )

WHICH OF THE FOLLOWING SHOULD BE LEGALIZED?:
(check all that apply)
Crack ( ) Coke ( ) Grass ( ) Needles ( )
Flag Burning ( )

FAVORITE BEER:
Samuel Adams ( ) Becks ( ) Corona(w/lime) ( )
Latest trendy brand ( )

FAVORITE POLITICIAN:
Ted Kennedy ( ) John Kennedy ( ) Bobby Kennedy ( )
Joe Kennedy ( )

CLUB MEMBERSHIPS:
ACLU ( ) Greenpeace ( ) SDS ( ) N.O.W. ( ) A.F.S.C.M.E ( )
Billy Bulger Breakfast Club ( ) Provincetown Boys Club ( )
Bull-dykes Kennel Club ( )

Even though we cant ever get any more power from Hydro-Quebec, dont
you think that Seabrook should remain closed forever? YES ( )

Dont you think that the people in the Midwest should stop dropping acid
rain on our vacation homes in Vermont, even if it means that they all lose
their jobs? YES ( )

How many watts (per channel, RMS) is your principal home stereo?
100W ( ) 200W ( ) More than that ( )

How many air conditioners do you have to help you through our long New
England summers?: 2 ( ) 3 ( ) 4 ( ) Central Air ( )
(note: Fewer than two A/C units may qualify you for state
subsidies if you are a non-white unemployed Democrat)

FAVORITE TV SHOW: Thirtysomething ( )

The distressed-looking man had downed several drinks in
rapid succession before the bartender asked him, You
trying to drown your sorrows, buddy?

You could say that, the guy replied.

It usually doesnt work, you know.

No shit, the man moaned. I cant even get My wife
anywhere near the water!

A friend of mine confused her vallium with her birth control pills. She
had 14 kids, but she doesnt give a shit.

Do you know the difference between a good year and 365 used condoms?

Answer: A fucking good year!!!!!

A fancy lady on vacation took a stroll through the woods. Suddenly a little white duck, all covered with shit, crossed her path.

Oh, dear, the lady said, come on, Ill clean you! She took a Kleenex from her purse and whipped the duck clean. After finishing, she urged the duck away saying, Be careful next time!

She walked on and another duck, with shit all over it, crossed her way. Again she took out a Kleenex and cleaned the little duck. She warned this one as well and the duck took off. Soon after, she encountered a third duck with the same problem.

Now Ive had it! She whinned. What have you all been doing? And for the third time she acted like a Florence Nightingale and tended the duck.

She continued her stroll when suddenly she heard a voice from the bushes. Hey, you, lady! sounded a male voice in distress.

Yes? she replied.

Do you have a Kleenex?

No, not anymore, she answered.

Too bad. I guess Ill just have to use another duck.

http://chucklesofchoice.com