Party Etiquette: Drinking Your Fair Share.

Telephone Skills: How to Hang Up.

Introduction to Parking.

Q: Where is the best place in a book store to find a man who is handsome, a good lover and a stimulating partner?
A: In the pages of a romance novel.

If you love something, set it free.

If it comes back, it will always be yours.

If it doesnt come back, it was never yours to begin with.

But… if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money and doesnt appear to realize that you actually set it free in the first place, you either married it or gave birth to it.

A bum asks a man for $2. The man asked, Will you buy booze? The bum said, No. The man asked, Will you gamble it away? The bum said, No. Then the man asked, Will you come home with me so my wife can see what happens to a man who doesnt drink or gamble?

Reasons Why a Christmas Tree Is Better Than a Woman

A Christmas tree doesnt care how many other Christmas trees you have had in the past.

A Christmas tree doesnt care if you have an artificial one in the closet.

Joke found on http://www.ahajokes.com

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighboring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him, but was moved by Arthurs youthful happiness. So he offered him freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer; if, after a year, he still had no answer, he would be killed.

The Question: What do women really want?

Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and, to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query.

Well, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarchs proposition to have an answer by years end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everybody: the princess, the prostitutes, the priests, the wise men, the court jester. In all, he spoke with everyone but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. What most people did tell him was to consult the old witch, as only she would know the answer. The price would be high, since the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no alternative but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer his question, but hed have to accept her price first: The old witch wanted to marry Gawain, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthurs closest friend! Young Arthur as horrified: she was hunchbacked and awfully hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage water and often made obscene noises. He had never run across such a repugnant creature. He refused to force his friend to marry her and have to endure such a burden.

Gawain, upon learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He told him that nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthurs life and the preservation of the Round Table.

Hence, their wedding was proclaimed, and the witch answered Arthurs question:

What a woman really wants is to be able to be in charge of her own life.

Everyone instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthurs life would be spared. And so it went. The neighboring monarch spared Arthurs life and granted him total freedom.

What a wedding Gawain and the witch had! Arthur was torn between relief and anguish.

Gawain was proper as always, gentle and courteous. The old witch put her worst manners on display. She ate with her hands, belched and farted, and made everyone uncomfortable. The wedding night approached.

Gawain, steeling himself for a horrific night, entered the bedroom. What a sight awaited! The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him! Gawain was astounded and asked what had happened.

The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her (when shed been a witch), half the time she would be her horrible, deformed self, and the other half, she would be her beautiful maiden self. Which would he want her to be during the day and which during the night?

What a cruel question! Gawain began to think of his predicament:

During the day a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his home, an old spooky witch? Or would he prefer having by day a hideous witch, but by night a beautiful woman to enjoy many intimate moments?

What would you do?

What Gawain chose follows below, but dont read until youve made your own choice.

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Noble Gawain replied that he would let her choose for herself!

Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time, because he had respected her and had let her be in charge of her own life.

Isnt that beautiful?

But really now, what is the moral of this story?

If you dont respect women, things are gonna get ugly!

Tupperware: Its Social And Environmental Drawbacks

Where To Look When Your Auto Is In Reverse

Learning When Not To Talk, And Then Not Talking

Three blondes are walking on the beach and find genie lamp.

The Genie says look girls, there are three of you.. so only ONE wish each!

The 1st blonde says Genie, I think that I would like to be a little bit smarter… POOF!!!

She is a REDHEAD!

The 2nd blonde says Genie,… I think I would like to be a little smarter still!…POOF!!!

She is a BRUNETTE!

3rd blonde says Genie… I have been a blonde ALL my life!..Men buy me cars,..give me money,…and jewels… I think I would like to be a little DUMBER!!…POOF!!!

She is a MAN!!

A man walking along a beach stumbled across an old lamp. He picked it up, rubbed it, and out popped a genie.

The genie said, Okay…you released me from the lamp… blah, blah, blah. You get one wish!

The man sat and thought about it for a while and said, Ive always wanted to go to Hawaii, but Im afraid to fly as I get a sick feeling within. Could you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there to visit?

The genie laughed and said, Thats impossible. Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific? Also, think of how much concrete would be needed…how much steel!! No, you must think of another wish.

The man said, Okay, and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said, Ive been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I dont care about them and that Im insensitive. So, I wish I could understand women, know how they feel inside, what theyre thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why theyre crying, know what they really want when they say nothing, know how to make them truly happy…

The genie looks at the man and asks, You want that bridge two lanes or four?

WOMEN SEEKING MEN Classifieds translations

Educated means: College dropout

Emotionally Secure means: Medicated

Employed means: Has part-time job stuffing envelopes at home