Darling, she whispered after they had finished making love, Will you still make love like that to me after were married ?

He considered this for a moment, and then replied, I think so.

Ive always been especially fond of married women.

Husband (Returning late from work ) : Good Evening Dear, Im
now logged in.

Wife : Have you brought the grocery ?

Husband : Bad command or filename.

Wife : But I told you in the morning?

Husband : Erroneous syntax.. Abort ?

Wife : What about my new TV?

Husband : Variable not found …

Wife : At least, give me your Credit Card, I want to do some
shopping.

Husband : Sharing Violation. Access denied …

Wife : Do you love me or do you only love computers or are you just
being funny ?

Husband : Too many parameters …

Wife : It was a great mistake that I married an idiot like you.

Husband : Data type mismatch.

Wife : You are a useless nut.

Husband : By Default.

Wife : What about your Salary ?

Husband : File in use … Try after some time.

Wife : Who was in the car this morning ?

Husband : System is unstable. Press CTRL + ALT + DEL to Reboot.

Wife : Are you going to drink some wine ?

Husband : File system is full.

Wife : What is the relation between u and your Receptionist ?

Husband : Only user in my WRITE group.

Wife : What is my value in the family ?

Husband : Unknown Virus.

From Little Moron Stories by Ernest W. Baughman, Hoosier Folklore Bulletin 1943. – Quoted in B.A. Botkin (ED) A Treasury of American Folklore, Newyork: Crown Publishers, 1944.

Little moron was painting the house when another one came up and said, Got a good hold on that brush?

Yep.

Well, if you are sure you got a good hold on that brush Ill borrow your ladder for a second.

O.K. but dont keep it long. The handle of this paint brush is kind of slippery.

Little morons wife send him down town after a bucket of ice. He came back with a pail of water. I got this for half price because it was melted.

Little moron took two slices of bread and went down and sat on the street corner waiting for the traffic jam. A big truck came along and gave him a jar.

Q: Why did the little moron go to the lumber yard?

A: To look for his draft board.

A guy was listening to his kid say his nightly prayers.

The kid says, Goodnight mommy, daddy, grandpa, and goodbye grandma.

The next day the grandma dies. The guy thinks this is really weird.

That night, the kid says Good-

night mommy, daddy, and goodbye grandpa The next day the grandpa dies.

The father thinks this is really weird. That night the kid says, Goodnight mommy, and goodbye daddy.

The father freaks. Hes thinking Im gonna die. So the next day he goes to work really slowly and carefully, and is nice to everyone at work.

At the end of the day, he drives home really carefully and collapses into a chair.

He says, Honey, can you get me a cup of coffee? Ive had a really bad day. She says YOUVE had a bad day! I found the mailman dead on the doorstep!

Whats invisible & smells like carrots?

Bunny Farts!

If your printout does not arrive within 1.2 seconds, immediately take the printer offline and press enough times to place the perforation in the center of all subsequent printouts. Leave the printer in this inoperative state, but be sure to place your document (140k minimum) in the queue at least five (5) more times before going home. In the unlikely event you return for your output, give it a cursory glance before discarding in the recycle bin.

Be sure and send all graphics output to the line printer as often as possible. Fill at least 175 pages with brief cryptic strings such as q:!@ in the corner. After observing that this output does not match the plot you intended, perform the exact same action a second time, in the hope that the first error was simply the result of intervention by evil spirits.

Wad, crush, crumple, stomp, spindle, paw, and rip at least six (6) other users output in retrieving your own. Broadcast this refuse in random directions or coat the vicinity of the printer with it in an act of modern-type performance art.

Note to administrators: change the print ribbon at least once every four years, whether it needs it or not. Ensure that the print queue is disabled before all major Total Quality Management projects, and that name/banner/whitespace pages exceed printed output by a minimum ratio of at least 3:1.

A guy goes into a bar and starts to hit on a girl. Things go very well for the both of them and they eventually end up at his place. After a passionate night of playing kissy face and pressy body, they fall asleep.

The next morning, the guy wakes and looks at the girl and says, By the way, I didnt ask you if you ever had AIDS.

The girl promptly denies this.

The guy then says, Thats a relief. Id hate to catch that again!

This man had been having a few beers down at the neighbourhood bar. It was dark out and he was walking home by a park when nature called so he stepped behind a hedge to relieve himself. To his and their surprise a couple were going at it on the grass and he almost stepped on them. The guy got up and took off running.

The man could see the naked outline of the gals bare legs as she continued to lie there while he relieved himself. He could feel his interest grow as he finished. Without a word he got down on his knees between her legs and took advantage of the situation. She embraced him and showed her willingness.

Just as they were both getting into it hot and heavy a cop walked by and shined his flashlight on them saying, What the hell do you think your doing, this is a public park.

The man said, But officer this is my wife.

The officer said, Oh, I didnt know she was your wife.

The man said, Neither did I till you shined your light on her.

1. If no one sees you eat it, it has no calories.

2. If you drink a diet soda with candy, they cancel each other out.

3. When eating with someone else, calories dont count if you both eat the same amount.

4. Foods used for medicinal purposes have no calories. This includes any chocolate used for energy, Sara Lee cheesecake (eaten whole), and Haagen-Dazs ice cream.

5. Movie-related foods are much lower in calories simply because they are a part of the entertainment experience and not part of ones personal fuel. This includes (but is not limited to) Milk Duds, popcorn with butter, Junior Mints, Snickers, and Gummi Bears.

6. Cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breakage causes calorie leakage.

7. If you eat the food off someone elses plate, it doesnt count.

8. If you eat standing up the calories all go to your feet and get walked off.

9. Food eaten at Christmas parties has 0 calories, courtesy of Santa.

10. STRESSED is just DESSERTS spelled backward.

Your mommas so stupid, she looked over a glass wall!