Retiring from a big corporate job in LA, Marvin moves to Tel Aviv. (So nu, you were thinking maybe hed move to a kibbutz?)

Wanting to contribute to nation-building somehow he focuses on stock-trading, the only vocation he knows. But, to commute to his new humble penthouse office, he refuses to drive a Mercedes like everyone else so he buys himself … a camel.

Every night Marvin parks his camel in the garage under his Tel Aviv Condo and the next morning he mounts the camel for the commute to his new office in Ramat Gan.

One day Marvin comes down to the parking garage and the camel is gone … stolen!

He calls the police who arrive within minutes. The first question is What color was your camel?

Marvin replies he doesnt remember, Probably camel colored I guess … sort of brownish-greyish.

And how many humps on your camel? asks the policeman.

Who counts humps … one, maybe two, I dont know for sure.

And the height of the camel, sir?

Whats with these dumb questions? Marvin asks. The camel was about three feet taller than I am. So maybe 9 feet, 10 feet. I cant be certain.

Just one last question to complete my report, sir. Was the camel male or female?

Ah, that I know for sure he was a male.

How can you be so certain of his sex when you dont remember anything else about your camel asks the policeman.

Well, says Marvin, everyone knows hes a male. Every day Id ride the camel to work through the streets of Tel Aviv and people would stop and say to each other … Look at the schmuck on that camel!

A man would no longer be considered a good catch simply
because he is breathing. Medical research would be spent on developing new birth
control methods for men. Women with cold hands would give men prostate exams. Baby-sitting, doing dishes and making beds would be
considered Macho. The hem of mens pants would go up or down depending
on the economy. Minnie Mouse would get equal billing with Mickey. Fewer women would be dating because the ideal weight
standard would increase by 40 pounds. Overweight men would be encouraged to wear girdles. PMS would be a legitimate defense in court. Men would come with papers showing their true identity,
marital and employment status, if they live with their
mother, and whether they have had their shots. Shopping would be considered an aerobic activity. Men would get reputations for sleeping around. Ms. Magazine would have a annual swimsuit issue featuring
scantily clad male models. Men who designed womens shoes would be forced to wear them. Men would not be allowed to eat gas-producing foods within
two hours of bedtime. Men would be as attentive AFTER marriage as they were before. Men would be secretaries for female bosses, working twice
as hard for none of the credit. Little girls would read Snow White and the Seven Hunks. Men would earn 70 cents for every dollar women make. Men would bring drinks, chips and dip to women watching soap
operas. Men would HAVE to get playboy for the articles, because there
would be no pictures. Men would learn phrases like: Im sorry, I love you. Youre
beautiful. Of course you dont look fat in that outfit, Go
to sleep – Ill take care of the baby, etc. Men would be judged entirely by their looks, women by their
accomplishments. Men would sit around and wonder what WE are thinking. All toilet seats would be nailed down. Men would work on relationships as m

-What did the hurricane say to the coconut?

-Hold on to your nuts, its going to be a hell of a blow job!

Our sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.
Then he came to the column Salary Expected : He was not sure as to what to be filled there.After much thought he wrote : Yes

He got a puncture and now he lives in a flat!

Two Yankees fans are on a train up to Boston to watch their team play the Red Sox. They start making fun of a couple of Red Sox supporters who only have one ticket between the two of them.

Just before the conductor appears both Red Sox fans go into the bathroom and lock the door behind them. When the conductor knocks on the door they slip the ticket under the door, the conductor clips it and slides it back under the door and off he goes.

On the return journey the Yankees fans decide to pull the same trick and purchase only one ticket for the two of them. They notice that yet again the two Red Sox supporters only have one ticket between them. The Yankees fans realize there is only one bathroom per carriage and quickly take the lead, locking themselves in first, leaving the Red Sox fans with nowhere to go.

A minute later the Red Sox fan without a ticket strolls over to the bathroom and knocks on the door.

If various operating systems were cars, what would they be?
Linux is the Fiat of operating systems, its fun when its not broken.
Eventually, though youll get fed up and get something better.
Windows NT is a 1964 Mercury Monteray, its big beyond big and a
real waste of our resources. It makes a lot of noise, though.
MS-DOS is a Tyco slot racer. Its a silly toy that takes you around and
around in circles.
MacOS is one of those talking cars. Some people think theyre neat.
The rest of us want to break them.
Emacs is a M1A1 Abrams tank. Ok, so Emacs isnt really an OS and an
Abrams isnt a car, but theyre both close and theyre both BIG.
AIX is a mail truck. When youre using it you keep wondering why
everything is this backwards!
OS/2 is one of those 3 cylinder Geo jobbies. People who use em brag about
how efficient they are. The rest of us think they should get real.
VMS is a Volkswagon Beetle. When you see em you turn, punch your friend
in the arm and laugh. The strange thing is, you still see them around!
AmigaDOS is a DeLorean. Sure its pretty slick and all, but theyre just
not made anymore.

My phone bill was past due and I needed to change my service, so I had to visit the local Bell Atlantic Office. The line wasnt clearly formed, and there was an old man with a cane nearby me.

I wasnt really sure who was next and when we got to the front of the line, the man gestured to me and said, After you.

I smiled at him and said, No, please, after you. I have all day.

The he shook his head sadly and repeated, No, sonny, you go on ahead. My doctor says I have at least six months.

Because his dick was stuck in the chicken

Q, What is the difference between a genealogist and a gynecologist?

A. A genealogist looks up your family tree . . . A gynecologist looks up your family bush!