A man was walking on a highway when he discovered a genie lamp.
He rubbed it and a genie came out and said,I will grant you one wish.
The man thought for a minute and said, Well, I never have gone to Hawaii because I never could afford it. Could you make a highway from here to Hawaii so I could just drive over anytime?
The genie sighed and said, Man, I have been in this genie business for 10,000 years. I am quite tired. Cant you think of something a little more simple?
The man thought and said, Well, you know, I have been married to my wife for 5 years now but I still cant understand her. Can you make it so I can understand her from now on?
The genie sighed again and said, Two lanes or four?

Two Irishmen are the only survivors in a shipwreck.Floating helplessly in a lifeboat they come across a lamp floating in the ocean. Paddy reaches out and grabs the lamp and after rubbing it a genie appears. The genie immediately says you are granted one wish. Paddy and Mickey both look at each other in astonishment then Paddy yells make the whole ocean into the best tasting beer ever. With the clap of his hands and a thunderous crash the ocean becomes the finest brew known to man.With the suds gently lapping against the sides of the boat,Mickey with an angry roar yells Oh! Thats great.Now we have to piss in the boat!

A couple was golfing one day on a very, very exclusive golf course, lined with million dollar houses. On the third tee the husband said, Honey be very careful when you drive the ball-dont knock out any windows. Itll cost us a fortune to fix.

The wife teed up and shanked it right through the window of the biggest house on the course. The husband cringed and said, I told you to watch out for the houses! Alright lets go up there, apologize, and see how much thats going to cost.

They walked up, knocked on the door, and heard a voice say, Come on in. They opened the door and saw glass all over the floor and a broken bottle lying on its side on the foyer. A man on the couch said, Are you the people that broke the window?

Uh yeah. Sorry about that, the husband replied. No, actually I want to thank you. Im a genie that was trapped for a thousand years in that bottle. Youve released me. Im allowed to grant three wishes – Ill give you each one wish, and Ill keep the last one for myself.

OK great! the husband said. I want a million dollars a year for the rest of my life. No problem – its the least I could do.

And you, what do you want? the genie said, looking at the wife. I want a house in every country of the world, she said. Consider it done. the genie replied.

And whats your wish genie?, the husband said.

Well, since I have been trapped in that bottle, I havnt had sex with a woman in a thousand years. My wish is to sleep with your wife.

The husband looks at the wife and said, Well we did get a lot of money and all those houses, honey. I guess I dont care.

The genie took the wife upstairs, and ravished her for two hours.

After it was over, the genie rolled over, looked at the wife and said, How old is your husband, anyway?

35. she replied. And he still believes in genies??? Thats amazing!

3 guys were stuck on an island. One day, one of the guys found a very old bottle. As he opened the bottle, out popped a genie who granted each of the guys 1 wish.

The first guy wished he could go home to his family. Poof, his wish came true and he was back with his family. The second guy wished the same thing, that he could go home to his family. Poof, the second guy was home with his family.



The third guy wasnt exactly smart. He looked around the island, feeling kind of lonely. He looked at the genie and said I wish my 2 friends were back on the island again with me.

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, And what will your third wish be?



The man looked at the genie and said, Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I havent had a first or second wish yet?



You have had two wishes already, the genie said, but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You have one wish left.



Okay, said the man, I dont believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.



Funny, said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. That was your first wish, too.

One day a man went to the beach to drown himself when he saw a bottle. He brushed the sand off of it and a genie came out. 3 Wishes u know the drill, says the genie. So, the man wishes for a porche. Thres his porche. He knows this is for real now, so he wisheds for the car to be filled with thousand dollar bills. POOF! There they are. He tells the genie to get back in so he can think of the ultamite wish. He then hops in his car, not the man wanting to commit suicide anymore. He was so happy he was singing! I wish I were an oscar meyer weiner… and POOF! he was an oscar meyer weiner.

An American, an Australian and an Irishman were stranded on an island for several days. One day a bottle washed ashore and when they picked it up, a genie rushed out.

Oh masters, he said. For releasing me from this bottle you will each have one wish.

The American said: I wish to be surrounded by a bevy of beautiful girls in Waikiki beach. Whoosh, the American was gone to Hawaii.

The Australian said: I wish to be in a casino in the Australian Gold Coast. Whoosh, and off he went.

The Irishman could not decide what he wanted. After a long time, he said: Gee, its very lonely here on this island. I wish my friends were back here!

Bob and joe are fishing in a boat. bob pulls up a lamp on his line. a genie pops out and said he would give bob one wish. bob said to turn the lake into beer. the genie granted his wish. bob turned to joe and asked,what do ya think? joe said,i think youre an asshole! now we gotta piss in the boat!

A United State Government Employee sits in his office and out of boredom, decides to see whats in his old filing cabinet. He pokes through the contents and comes across an old brass lamp.

This will look nice on my mantelpiece, he decides, and takes it home with him.



While polishing the lamp, a genie appears and grants him three wishes. I wish for an ice cold diet Coke right now! He gets his Coke and drinks it.



Now that he can think more clearly, he states his second wish. I wish to be on an island where beautiful nymphomaniacs reside. Suddenly he is on an island with gorgeous females eyeing him lustfully.



He tells the genie his third and last wish. I wish Id never have to work ever again.



POOF! Hes back in his government office.

A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, And what will your third wish be?



The man looked at the genie and said, Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I havent had a first or second wish yet?



You have had two wishes already, the genie said, but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing,

because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left.



Okay, said the man, I dont believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women.



Funny, said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. That was your first wish, too!