Q: How many Systems Assurance testers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: None. We just noticed the room was dark. We dont fix the problems, we just find them.

Q: How many blind people does it take to change a light bulb?
A: It depends whether the switch is on or off.

Q: How many people of the anti-matter Universe does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: Minus 2. -1 to change the bulb, -1 to have a fight with Captain Kirk.

Q: How many recovering addicts does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: One, but it takes twelve steps.

Q: How many (generation) Xers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Two, one to go and shoplift the bulb so the boomers have something to screw in and the other to screw it in for minimum wage.

Q: How many Unix hacks does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you want; theyre all virtual, anyway.

Q: How many Soviet emigres does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Three. One to force the bulb in with a hammer, one to steal more bulbs, one to ask NYANA for a bigger hammer.

How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?



Border Collie: Just one. Then Ill replace any wiring thats not up to code.

Rottweiler: Make me!

Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb! Can I? Huh? Huh?

Dachshund: You know I cant reach that stupid lamp!

Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me while hes busy.

Jack Russell Terrier: Ill just pop it in while Im bouncing off the walls.

Greyhound: It isnt moving. Who cares?

Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark.

Mastiff: Screw it yourself! Im not afraid of the dark…

Doberman: While its out, Ill just take a nap on the couch.

Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there!

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?

Australian Shepherd: First, Ill put all the light bulbs in a little circle…

Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate was a light bulb?

Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz…



Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs — people change light bulbs.

I am not one of THEM so the question is, how long before I can expect my light again?



Poodle: Ill just blow in the Border Collies ear and hell do it.

By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry.



Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, weve got our whole lives ahead of us,

and youre inside worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?

Q: How many auto mechanics does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Six–one to force it with a hammer and five to go out for more bulbs.

Q: Did you hear about the new Viagra candy bar?
A: Oh, Oh, Oh my God, Henry!

Q: What do you get when you mix Viagra and Prozac?
A: A guy who is ready to go, but doesnt really care where.

Q: What is the difference between your first honeymoon and your second?
A: The first: Niagara; the second: Viagra.

Q: What do you get when you mix Viagra with rogaine?
A: Don King.

Q: What happens if you get the Viagra pill stuck in your throat?
A: You get a stiff neck.

Q: What is Viagra Falls?
A: A newly discovered waterfall that flows upward.

Q: How many doses of Viagra does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One little tablet, and its a whole new bulb.