Theorem: All numbers are equal.
Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b. Then

a + b = t
(a + b)(a – b) = t(a – b)
a^2 – b^2 = ta – tb
a^2 – ta = b^2 – tb
a^2 – ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 – tb + (t^2)/4
(a – t/2)^2 = (b – t/2)^2
a – t/2 = b – t/2
a = b

So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.

Q: Why did the number get mad at his wife?
A: Because she was being irrational.

A very large mathematical convention was held in Las Vegas. The conventioneers filled two hotels, each with an infinite number of rooms. The hotels were across the street from each other and were owned by brothers. One evening, while everyone was out at a bar-b-que, one of the hotels burned to the ground. The brothers got together and worked out a plan. In the remaining hotel, they moved all guests to twice their room number — room 101 moved to 202, room 1234 moved to room 2468, etc. Then all the odd number rooms were empty, and there were an infinite number of odd rooms. So the guests from the other hotel moved into them.

It is often cited that there are half as many divorces as marriages in the US, so one concludes that average marriages have a 50% chance of ending by divorce. While I was a graduate student, among my peers there were twice as many divorces as marriages, leading us to conclude that average marriages would end twice…

Q: What does the zero say to the the eight?
A: Nice belt!

Statistics are like a bikini; What is revealed is interesting; What is concealed is crucial.

Statisticians must stay away from childrens toys because they regress so easily.

How many mathematicians does it take to screw in a light bulb?

In earlier work, Wiener [1] has shown that one mathematician can change a light bulb.
If k mathematicians can change a light bulb, and if one more simply watches them do it, then k+1 mathematicians will have changed the light bulb. Therefore, by induction, for all n in the positive integers, n mathematicians can change a light bulb.

Did you know that 87.166253% of all statistics claim a precision of results that is not justified by the method employed?

Never show a bar chart at an AA meeting.