Pair of edible Depends found on bedroom floor.

Lately, at night, they put their teeth in the same glass.

Grandpa grabs his crotch and complains loudly of denture-burn.

Granny found cuffed to her walker.

Not only do you hear the bed squeaking, but also joints.

Grandma regularly looks at Grandpas crotch and claps twice.

Your Grandma is Anna Nicole Smith.

Youve just seen the photos in the Beaver Hunt section of the May issue of Hustler.

Grandmother starts baking Viagra-chip cookies.

And the Number One Sign Your Grandparents are still sexually active …

Kraft-matic adjustable bed set for doggy style.

This in from the journal Medical Aspects of Human Sexuality, August
1991 issue.

Under the heading Office Anecdote comes the following:

While trying to track down the cause of a recurrent vaginitis in a
young woman, I asked her whether her partner was circumcised. My
query drew only a blank look. I rephrased the question in what I felt
was a clever and tactful manner : When he doesnt have an erection, can
you see the head of his penis, or is it covered by folds of skin?

Her unabashed and matter-of-fact response : Ive never seen him
without an erection. I felt rather obsolete the rest of the day.

Andrew Johnstone, MD, RPh, Indy South Family Physicians, Indianapolis.

A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing these four elements: religion, royalty, sex and mystery.The prize-winning essay read, "My God," said the Queen, "Im pregnant. I wonder whose it is?"

In Tabers Cyclopedic Medical Dictionary (edition 15) on page 1451 begins an article entitled rape and sexual assault prevention Towards the end of the article is the following paragraph.

If forced to participate in oral sex, i.e., fellatio, and you feel your life is in danger, then a vigorous, quick, and forceful attempt to amputate the penis by biting could completely demotivate the rapist because of extreme pain. You should immediately flee at that time.

To me that last sentence seems a prime candidate for the under statement of the year award.

…they should give him a sex change and send him back to Afghanistan

This useful tool, commonly found in the range of 8 inches long, the functioning
of which is enjoyed by members of both sexes, is usually found hung, dangling
loosely, ready for instant action. It boasts of a clump of little hairy things
at one end and a small hole at the other.

In use, it is inserted, almost always willingly, sometimes slowly, sometimes
quickly, into a warm, fleshy, moist opening where it is thrust in and drawn out
again and again many times in succession, often quickly and accompanied by
squirming bodily movements. Anyone found listening will most surely recognize
the rythmic, pulsing sound, resulting from the well lubricated movements.

When finally withdrawn, it leaves behind a juicy, frothy, sticky white
substance, some of which will need cleaning from the outer surfaces of the
opeing and some from its long, glistening shaft. After everything is done and
the flowing and cleansing liquids have ceased emanating, it is returned to
bristling climax twice or three times a day, but often much less.

What Is This?

As you may have already guessed, the answer to the riddle is none other than
your very own…

Toothbrush

What were you thinking?

A group of guys and one girl are sitting together at a ball game. During the game the guys notice that the girl knows just as much about the game as themselves and are really impressed. After the game they ask her How is it that you know so much about baseball?

She says, Well, I used to be a guy and got a sex change.

The guys are amazed, but very curious about the process. What was the most painful part of the process? Was it when they cut off your penis?

That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.

Was it when they cut off your testicles?

That was very painful, but was not the most painful part.

What was the most painful part?

The part that hurt the most was when they cut my salary in half!

Why do men name their penises?

Because they dont like the idea of having a stranger make 90% of their decisions!

A farmer needed to make some quick money, so he gave a duck to each of his three sons and sent them off to the city to sell the ducks. The oldest son was quite the salesman, and he talked an old lady into paying ten dollars for his duck. The middle son was not as sharp as his older brother, but he was still able to get five dollars for his duck from a young housewife. The youngest son was rather stupid, and he also had a speech impediment. The first person he encountered in town was a prostitute, so he asked her, Would you like to buy a duck? Because he slurred his words, the prostitute misunderstood what he said. She thought he had said, Would you like to buy a f**k? Remembering how hard it was when she was just starting out, she took pity on him, and decided to take him up on the offer. She told him, Ill pay you one buck. He agreed, and attempted to give her his duck. The prostitute set the duck aside, took off the boys clothes, made love to him, and handed him a dollar bill. This was the first time the youngest son had ever had sex, and he really enjoyed it, so he asked the prostitute, Can we do that again? She responded, Well, I am a professional myself, so Im not going to pay you again. But I would be willing to do it if you paid me a dollar. So the boy handed back the dollar bill, and they had sex again. When they were done the prostitute put the boys clothes back on him, put the duck under his arm, and sent him on his way. He started to cross the street, and a bus was heading right towards him. The driver honked the horn and slammed on the brakes. The boy dropped the duck and jumped out of the way just in time. As the bus skidded to a stop, it ran over the duck. The bus driver got out to make sure the boy was alright. Are you okay, son? he asked the boy. The youngest son replied, Im fine, but you ran over my duck, and its ruined. My father is going to be really mad at me, because I was supposed to sell it