During the Middle Ages, probably one of the biggest mistakes was not
putting on your armor because you were just going down to the corner.

I believe for every drop of rain that falls, a flower grows. And a
foundation leaks and a ball game gets rained out and a car rusts and…

Never lie down with a woman whos got more troubles than
you.

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

The Pillsbury doughboy is way too happy considering he
has no dick.

Okay, who stopped the payment on my reality check?

Ive learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you
can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.

Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?

Fast food makes you sick quick.

Its as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.