Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job. –Douglas Adams, The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
If you give Congress a chance to vote on both sides of an issue, it will always do it. –Les Aspin, D., Wisconsin
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country. –Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
Alliance, n.: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each others pocket that they cannot separately plunder a third.
–Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary
Boundary, n.: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary
Peace, n.: In international affairs, a period of cheating between two periods of fighting. –Ambrose Bierce, The Devils Dictionary
In politics stupidity is not a handicap. –Napoleon Bonapart
Its amazing how many people beat you at golf now that youre no longer president. –George Bush
Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them
pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing had happened. –Winston Churchill
Congressmen have been bought and sold so many times they should have bar codes. –Contemporary Comedy
When I was a boy I was told anybody could become President; Im
beginning to believe it. –Clarence Darrow
All a man needs to be elected President is the kind of profile that looks good on a postage stamp. –B.B. Franklin
Ninety percent of politics is deciding who to blame. –Meg Greenfield, in Newsweek
Every politician who runs for the presidency says he wants to turn the
country around. Thats why we have so many problems. The countrys been
turned around so many times, its going in circles. –Joe Hickman
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot have a nativity scene in
Washington, D.C. this Christmas. This wasnt for any religious reasons.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin. –Steven Israel
Washington [D.C.] is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. –John F. Kennedy
I voted for the Democrats because I didnt like the way the Republicans were
running the country. Which is turning out to be like shooting yourself in
the head to stop your headache. –Jack Mayberry
Former President Carter said that Bill Clinton brought
disgrace to the White House with his last minute pardon of
Marc Rich. After hearing this, President Clinton denied the
accusation and said that was not how he brought disgrace to
the White House. –Conan OBrien
Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs. –P.J. ORourke
When I die, I want to be buried in Chicago so I can still be active in politics. –Representative Charlie Rangel
Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. –Ronald Reagan
My fellow Americans, Ive signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes. –Ronald Reagan, about to go on the air for a radio broadcast, unaware that the microphone was already on
I have wondered at times what the Ten Commandments would have
looked like if Moses had run them through the US congress. –Ronald Reagan
I have left orders to be awakened at
any time in case of national emergency,
even if Im in a cabinet meeting. –Ronald Reagan
Politics aint worrying this country one-tenth as much as where to find a parking space. –Will Rogers
Theres no trick to being a humorist when you have the whole government working for you. –Will Rogers
When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer Present or Not guilty. –Theodore Roosevelt
The most successful politician is he who says what everybody is thinking most often and in the loudest voice. –Theodore Roosevelt
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all others because you were born in it. –George Bernard Shaw
In America, any boy may become president and I suppose thats just one of the risks he takes. –Adlai Stevenson
A politician is a statesman who approaches every question
with an open mouth. –Adlai Stevenson
After spending a year in Washington, I long for the realism and sensitivity of Hollywood. –Tennessee Sen. Fred Thompson, also known for his acting career
Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are
decent, hard-working, honest Americans. Its the other lousy
two percent that get all the publicity. But then – we elected
them. –Lily Tomlin
Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself. –Mark Twain
It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress. –Mark Twain (Puddnhead Wilsons New Calendar)
President Thieu says hell quit if he doesnt get more than 50% of the vote. In a democracy, thats not called quitting. –The Washington Post
Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. –E. B. White
America is the only country that went from barbarism to decadence without civilization in between. –Oscar Wilde
An American is a person who isnt afraid to criticize the President but is always polite to traffic cops. –Unknown
Every baby born in America is endowed with life, liberty, and a share of the national debt. –Unknown
In politics everything is possible — until you get elected. –Unknown
No mans life, liberty, or property is safe while the legislature is in session. –Unknown
Politics is like coaching a football team. You have to be smart enough to understand the game but not smart enough to lose interest. –Unknown
A candidate is a person who gets money from the rich and votes from the poor to protect them from each other. –Unknown
The head of a goverment office retired recently. His staff threw a party for him, gave him a watch, and told him what his job had been. –Unknown