One day the Pope is coming to America in his
Limo and he said to the driver, Why dont you
let me drive for once.
The driver thinks to him self, Well I cant say
no to this guy, hes the pope. So the driver
pulls over and they change places. The Pope was
having fun, hauling butt down the freeway, dogging
cars. After a while the driver taps on the window
and tells the Pope, slow down a bit, you might
get pulled over.
The Pope says, ahhh, dont worry about it, Im
the Pope. So he rolls up the window and
continues to drive very fast. After a few moments
he gets pulled over. The cop walks to the car and
the Pope rolls down the tinted window. The cop
sees the Pope and says, oh, I, ehhh, sorry, can
you hold on a minute.
The Pope says, sure
The cop walks back to his car and radios back to
the station. He says, guys I just pulled over
some one really important.
They ask who, The President?.
No more important.
The president of another country.
No more important.
An ambassador.
No even more important.
Well who is it.
I dont know, but the Pope is the chauffeur.

Im not Fonda Clinton

Q: If Rodham gets health care, Bentsen gets treasury, and Aspin gets defense, what does Gore get?
A: Coffee.

Dick Cheney gets a call from his boss, George W. Bush

Ive got a problem, says George.

Whats the matter? asks Cheney.

Well, you told me to keep busy in the Oval Office so I got a jigsaw puzzle, but its too hard. None of the pieces fit together and I cant find any edges.

Whats it a picture of? asks Cheney.

A big rooster, replies George.

All right, sighs Cheney, Ill come over and have a look.

So he leaves his office and heads over to the Oval Office. G.W. points at the jigsaw on his desk.

Cheney looks at the desk and then turns to the president and says, Oh, for petes sake, George – put the corn flakes back in the box.

A man on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself, Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothings even moving.

He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, Excuse me officer, whats the hold up?

The officer replies, The President just found out he was impeached and hes all depressed. He stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and hes threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesnt have the $33.5 million he owes his lawyers. Im walking around taking up a collection for him.

Oh really? How much have you collected so far?

Ive got a lot of folks still siphoning; but right now I have about three hundred gallons.

From Contemporary Comedy

This is the third anniversary of Bill Clintons election, and you know, looking back, I think the country was better off when Hillary was President.

If you put Ross Perots ears and Bill Clintons nose and put it on Phil Gramms face, youd have – Mr. Potatohead!

Most Americans oppose the Republican Medicare plan – mostly the ones who plan to get old someday.

Congressmen have been bought and sold so many times they should have bar codes.

For more freebies: http://home.navisoft.com/ha/comedy.htm

Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.

John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.

John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.

The names Lincoln and Kennedy each contain seven letters.

Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.

Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.

Both were shot in the head.

Lincolns secretary was named Kennedy.

Kennedys secretary was named Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by Southerners.

Both were succeeded by Southerners.

Both successors were named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.

Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln was born in 1839.

Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy was born in 1939.

Both assassins were know by their three names.

Both names compromise fifteen letters.

Booth ran from the theater and was caught in a warehouse.

Oswald ran from a warehouse and was caught in a theater.

Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.

A week before Lincoln was shot he was in Monroe, Maryland.

A week before Kennedy was shot he was in Marilyn Monroe.

Q: What do Hillary Clinton and Marie Antoinette have in common?
A: Nothing . . . yet.

Since this most recent sex scandal broke on President Clinton, most democrats are scrambling to defend him. One of the more popular ones around seems to be: Kennedy did the same thing.

Well … maybe, but not only did Kennedy have class and discretion, he had much better taste in women.

One day, three boys were walking over a bridge when they heard a guy yelling for help. It was President Bush. He was drowning, and the three boys rescued him. He thanked them dearly and promised them whatever they wanted as a reward. The first boy wanted $10,000, so Bush gave him the money. The second boy wanted a Ferrari, so Bush gave the boy a Ferrari. The third boy wanted a wheelchair, Bush said, “Why do you want one of those, son, youre not handicapped.” The boy replied, “I will be when my dad finds out whose life I saved.”