President Clinton will be starring in his own TV show next season. Its called Welcome Back Carter.

Famous interpretations of Why did the Chicken cross the road?

Bill Clinton:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please…

Louis Farrakhan:
The road, you will see, represents the black man.
The chicken crossed the black man in order to trample him down!

Colonel Sanders:
I missed one?

L.A Poliece Department:
Give us five minutes with the chicken, and well find out.

Jerry Falwell:
Because the chicken was gay! isnt it obvious? Cant you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the other side. thats what they call it: the other side. Yes, my friends the chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too!

Ronald Regan:
What Chicken?

Saddam Hussein:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion, and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it!

ROBERT DE NIRO: Are you telling me the chicken crossed that road? Is that what youre telling me?

Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

Marting Luther King, Jr.: I envision a world where all chickens, be they black or white or brown or red or speckled, will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

Grandpa: In my day, we didnt ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.

Aristotle: It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Karl Marx: It was a historical inevitability.

Captain James T. Kirk: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

Fox Mulder: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross before you believe its true?

Freud: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. How do you feel about your mother?

Bill Gates: We have just released eChicken 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs (only in the proprietary brown_ms.egg format), file your important documents, and balance your chequebook and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.

The CIA: Who told you about the chicken? Did you see the chicken? There was no chicken. Please step into the car, sir.

Einstein: Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken.

Q: How are Congressmen and baseball players alike?
A: They are millionaires who work 3 hours a day and left in August not finishing what they had started.

Jaundice: To include in a group

Kinesthetics: Relationships among relatives

Labor pain: Getting hurt at work

Leper: A wild cat

Malaria: Shopping place

Medical staff: A doctors cane

Morbid: A higher bid

Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates

Node: Was aware of

Outpatient: A person who fainted

Q: Why should Republicans be buried 100 feet deep?

A: Because deep down, theyre really good people.

BLAMESTORMING:
Sitting around in a group, discussing why a deadline was missed or a project failed, and who was responsible.
CUBE FARM:
An office filled with cubicles.
PRAIRIE DOGGING:
When someone yells or drops something loudly in a cube farm, and peoples heads pop up over the walls to see whats going on.
MOUSE POTATO:
The on-line, wired generations answer to the couch potato.
SITCOMS:
(Single Income, Two Children, Oppressive Mortgage) What yuppies turn into when they have children and one of them stops working to stay home with the kids.
STARTER MARRIAGE:
A short-lived first marriage that ends in divorce with no kids, no property and no regrets.
STRESS PUPPY:
A person who seems to thrive on being stressed out and whiny.
SWIPED OUT:
an ATM or credit card that has been rendered useless because the magnetic strip is worn away from extensive use.
IRRITAINMENT:
Entertainment and media spectacles that are annoying but you find yourself unable to stop watching them. The O.J. trials were a prime example. Bill Clintons shameful video Grand Jury testimony is another.
PERCUSSIVE MAINTENANCE:
The fine art of whacking the heck out of an electronic device to get it to work again.
VULCAN NERVE PINCH:

The taxing hand position required to reach all the appropriate keys for certain commands. For instance, the arm reboot for a Mac II computer involves simultaneously pressing the Control Key, the Command Key, the Return Key and the Power On Key.
YUPPIE FOOD STAMPS:
The ubiquitous $20 bills spewed out at ATMs everywhere. Often used when trying to split the bill after a meal, We each owe $8, but all anybodys got are yuppie food stamps!
GENERICA:
Features of the American landscape that are exactly the same no matter where one is, such as fast food joints, strip malls, subdivisions.
OHNOSECOND:
That miniscule fraction of time in which you realize that youve made a BIG mistake.
WOOFYS:
Well Off Older Folks.

During a political debate the politicians were asked to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

The first one, a democrat, came up with an answer right away. He said, One of my hobbies is painting, and no matter if I paint with water colors, or oils I always fascinate people with my work.



The second politician, the republican, said My grandfather was a magician, and when ever he performed a trick be it with cards, or hoops, or magic balls he would always fascinate us.



The third politician, an independent, said I dont know if I can do that.



The MC of the debate said, Go ahead take a couple of minutes then give it your best.



The third politician thought for a while then said, I know this gal, one time she went to the store to buy a new blouse. The blouse had ten buttons on it, but when she went to button it her boobs were so big that she could only fasten eight.

NEW VIRUS ALERT…..immediately scan your computer for the following
viruses!

Pat Buchanan Virus:
Your system works fine, but complains loudly about
foreign software.
Colin Powell Virus:
Makes its presence known but doesnt do anything.
Secretly you wish it would.
Hillary Clinton Virus:Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a
year later; in another directory.
O.J. Simpson Virus:You know its guilty of trashing your system, but
you just cant prove it.
Bob Dole Virus:Could be virulent, but its been around too long to be
much of a threat.
Steve Forbes Virus:All files reported as the same size.
Paul Revere Virus:This virus doesnt horse around, warns you of
impending attack. Once if by LAN, twice if by C.
Politically Correct Virus:Never identifies itself as a virus, but
instead refers to itself as an electronic micro-organism.
Ross Perot Virus:Activates every component in your system, just before
the whole thing quits.
Dan Quayle Virus:Thier is simthing rong with yur koputer, but ewe cant
figyur outt watt!
Government Economist Virus:Nothing works, but all your diagnostic
software says everything is fine.
New World Order Virus:Probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people
really mad just thinking about it.
Federal Bureaucrat Virus:Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little
units, each of which does practically nothing; but all of which claim to
be the most important part of your computer.
Lance Corporal Virus:Does all the work while the Ncos get credit for
it.
Marine Corps Virus:Invades, takes over and leaves the Army virus to
occupy
Army Virus:Always shows up to take the credit after the Marines have
defeated the enemy.
Dion Sanders Virus:Hypes itself up to be everything its not.
Dennis Rodman Virus:Screen changes color every time it boots up and
headbutts or kicks you in the groin when you attempt to remove it.
Texas Virus:Makes sure that its bigger than any other file.
Adam and Eve Virus:Takes a couples of bytes out of your Apple.
Congressional Virus:The computer locks up and the screen splits in half
with the same message appearing on each side. The message says that the
blame for the gridlock is caused by the other side.
Airline Luggage Virus:Youre in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
Freudian Virus:Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own
motherboard.
PBS Virus:
Your program stops running every few minutes to ask for
money.
Ted Turner Virus:
It colorizes your monochrome monitor
The Gallup Virus:
60 percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data
14 per cent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin or error)
Elvis Virus:Your computer gets fat, slow and lazy; then self destructs
only to surface at shopping malls and service stations across rural
America.
Ollie North Virus:Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
Nike Virus:Just does it.
Sears Virus:Your data wont appear unless you buy new cables, power
supply and shocks.
Jimmy Hoffa Virus:Your program can never be found again.
Kevorkian Virus:Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
Star Trek Virus:Invades your system in places where no virus has gone
before.
Health Care Virus:Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong and
sends you a bill for $4,500.00.
George Bush Virus:It starts by boldly stating: Read my docs…No New
Files! on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on
your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional
Virus.

Bill Clinton and the Pope both died on the
same day.

Due to a minor clerical error, the Pope went to Hell, while
Clinton went to Heaven. When the Pope arrived in Hell, everyone realized
the mistake. Due to an issue with the union, they couldnt
swap the two until the next day, and the Pope had to spend the night in
Hell, while Clinton spent the night in Heaven.

The next day the paperwork got straighted out. On his way up to
Heaven, the Pope ran into Clinton. Clinton asked the Pope How was your
night in Hell?

Very educational. responded the Pope. Ive learned a lot from the
experience, but now Im glad Im going to heaven. Ive been waiting all my
life to meet the Virgin Mary.

Sorry, said Clinton, You should have been there yesterday

Youre a pro-lifer, but support the death penalty.