George W. Bushs closest advisors came to visit him at the White House
one evening, and found him slamming down beers and whooping it up.
They were astonished since he had given up drinking years ago.

When asked why he was off the wagon, Dubya replied that he was
celebrating finishing a jigsaw puzzle. They smiled and told him that
wasnt much of an accomplishment.

Ah, but youre wrong. I did it in record time.

When asked what that record was, he replied that he had finished it
after only 6 months. Again, they told him that wasnt that great.

Oh yeah? said the commander in chief, Well the box says 3-5
years!

Senator Hillary Clinton was attending a party, when she noticed Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger. She walked over to him, and in a quiet voice said, If you were my husband I would poison your drink. Schwarzenegger smiled, leaned forward, and whispered in her ear, And if you were my wife I would drink it.

Q. Youre in a room with George Bush, Mikhial Gorbachev and Boris Yeltsin, and
you have a gun with two bullets in it. What do you do?

A. You shoot Dan Quayle twice!

Q: What is the Arkansas state flower?
A: Gennifer.

George Bush Virus – Doesnt do anything, but you cant get rid of it until November
Ted Kennedy Virus – Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened
Warren Commission Virus – Wont allow you to open your files for 75 years
Jerry Brown Virus – Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number
David Duke Virus – Makes your screen go completely white
Congress Virus – Overdraws your disk space
Paul Tsongas Virus – Pops up on Dec. 25 and says Im Not Santa Claus
Pat Buchanan Virus – Shifts all output to the extreme right of the screen
Dan Quayle Virus – Forces your computer to play PGA TOUR from 10am to 4pm 6 days a week
Bill Clinton Virus – This virus mutates from region to region. Were not exactly sure what it does.
Richard Nixon Virus – aka the Tricky Dick Virus you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.
H. Ross Perot Virus – same as the Jerry Brown virus, only nicer fonts are used, and it appears to have had a lot more money put into its development.

Bush approved of a new method of testing ready-to-eat meat for the potentially lethal Listeria bacteria found in factories. According to the legislation, ready-to-eat meat will have to pass standardized tests as part of Bushs leave no hot dog behind, campaign.

Some years ago when Bill Clinton was still President, he gave George W. Bush a tour of the White House. While there, George was amazed to find that Bill Clinton had his very own solid gold urinal! Maybe when Im President, I can have a gold urinal too, he thought to himself. He went back and told his wife Laura all about it. The next day, Laura Bush also visited the White House and had lunch with Hillary Clinton. During their talk, Laura mentioned the beautiful gold urinal her husband had seen in the Clintons bathroom… but Hillary said nothing. That night when she went to bed, she told Bill: I found out who peed in your saxophone.

These are questions that people actually asked of Park Rangers.

Grand Canyon National Park:
Was this man-made?
Do you light it up at night?
I bought tickets for the elevator to the bottom – where is it?
Is the mule train air conditioned?
So where are the faces of the presidents?

Everglades National Park:
Are the alligators real?
Are the baby alligators for sale?
Where are all the rides?
What time does the two oclock bus leave?

Denali National Park (Alaska):
What time do you feed the bears?
Can you show me where the yeti lives?
How often do you mow the tundra?
How much does Mount McKinley weigh?

Mesa Verde National Park:
Did people build this, or did Indians?
Why did they build the ruins so close to the road?
What did they worship in the kivas – their own made-up religion?
Do you know of any undiscovered ruins?
Why did the Indians decide to live in Colorado?

Carlsbad Caverns National Park:
How much of the cave is underground?
So whats in the unexplored part of the cave?
Does it ever rain in here?
How many Ping-Pong balls would it take to fill this up?
So what is this – just a hole in the ground?

Yosemite National Park:
Where are the cages for the animals?
What time do you turn on Yosemite Falls?
Can I get my picture taken with the carving of President Clinton?

Yellowstone National Park:
Does Old Faithful erupt at night?
How do you turn it on?
When does the guy who turns it on get to sleep?
We had no trouble finding the park entrances, but where are the exits?

Q: What does Hillary Clinton have in common with Gerald Ford?
A: They both became president without being elected.

Q: What do Bill Clinton and a fifteen-watt light bulb have in common?
A: Neither one is very bright.