The Kentuckian and his gal were embracing passionately in the front seat of the car.

Want to go in the back seat? she asked.

Nope, he replied.

A few minutes later she asked, “Now do you want to get in the back seat?”

No, I dont, he said again, I wanna stay here in the front seat with you.

You might be a redneck if…

Birds are attracted to your beard.

The diploma hanging in your den contains the words Trucking Institute.

Your mother keeps a spit cup on the ironing board.

Your wifes job requires her to wear an orange vest.

Youve ever worn a tube top to a wedding.

Bikers back down from your momma.

You were shooting pool when your kids were born.

Your favorite Christmas present was a painting on black velvet.

You think that Dom Perignon is a mafia leader.

Your school fight song was Dueling Banjos.

You think Hamlet is on the McDonalds breakfast menu.

Your kids are going hungry tonight because you had to see your maw run her car at the dirt track race.

Your dad says, Lets hit the road for dinner, and then grabs a shovel.

You might be a redneck if your grandma goes to the bathroom and comes out yelling “Come look before I flush it!”

What has ten teeth and is thrity feet long? Answer: The front row of a Willie Nelson Concert….

You might be a redneck if…
You have a very special baseball cap, just for formal occasions.

You might be a redneck if…
Youve ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was Timbuktu.

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

The redneck won hands down!

You might be a redneck if your dog cant watch you eat without gagging!

You might be a redneck if…
Your home has more miles on it than your car.