100 men were waiting at the pearly gates of heaven to go when god appeared.

He said since as you have all lived such good lifes, i will grant you all
one wish each!

So, turning to guy No.1 he said what would you like as your wish?

To be beautiful was his reply, and so it was done.

God asked the question to man 2 and he also said to be beautiful.

Then they all were saying it and when it got to guy number 14, number 100 at the back began to giggle …

Guy 28 was saying he wanted to be beautiful when man 100 laughed out loud, and he got a piercing stare from everyone.

By the time it got to man 84, the number 100 was rollling on the floor
laughing his head off!!! But they all ignored him.

After man numero 99 said he wished to be hansome (a bit of variation!) the
guy 100 finally got his wish.

But first God asked why he was laughing, no reason he said; so God
shrugged his shoulders and asked him the same question as all the others:
what do you want?

The 100th guy said To make them all butt-ugly again!

A forester and a lawyer were in car accident and showed up at the pearly gates together.

St. Peter greets them at the pearly gates and takes them to the homeswhere they will spend all of eternity. They get into St. Peters holy vehicle and head on down a gold road, which turns into a platinum road, which turns onto an even grander road paved with diamonds, to a huge mansion where St. Peter turns to the lawyer and says, here is your home for the rest of eternity, enjoy! And if there is anything you need, just let me know.

Then St. Peter took the forester to his home, back down the diamond studded boulevard, down the platinum highway, down the street of gold, down an avenue of silver, along a stone alley and down an unpaved footpath to a shack. St Peter says Here you go and goes to leave when the forester says Waitaminute!, how come the lawyer gets the big mansion and I get this shack?

St. Peter says: Well, Foresters are a dime a dozen here, we have never had a lawyer before.

There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.

The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength.

Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed.

With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, Whenever it breaks.

Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter."So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?""None. I had a perfect marriage." "Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?""Only twice, I think," says the second guy."Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?""12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy. "Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford." Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercdes crying. "Whats wrong?""I just saw my wife.""So?""She was riding a skateboard."

Two bishops were discussing the decline in morals in the modern world.

I didnt sleep with my wife before I was married, said one clergyman self-righteously, Did you?

I dont know, said the other. What was her maiden name?

Theyre leading a priest, a drunkard and an engineer to the guillotine. They ask the priest if he wants to face up or down when he meets his fate. The priest said that he would like to face up so he would be looking toward Heaven when he died. They raised the blade of the guillotine and released it. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped, just inches from his neck. The authorities took this as Divine Intervention and released the priest. Next, the drunkard came to the guillotine, and he also decided to die facing up, hoping he would be as fortunate as the priest. So the blade of the guillotine was raised again, and released. It came speeding down and suddenly stopped just inches from his neck, so he was released as well. The engineer was next, and he too decided to die facing up. They slowly raised the blade of the guillotine, when suddenly the engineer said, Hey, I see what the problem is…

Three friends die in a caraccident and they go to an orientation in heaven. They are all asked,"When you are in your casket and your friends and family are mourning you, what would youlike to hear them say about you?"The first guy says,"Iwould like to hear them say that I was a great doctor of my time, and a great familyman."The second guy says,"I would like to hear that I was a wonderful husband and a schoolteacher who made ahuge difference in our children of tomorrow."The last guy replies,"I would like to hear them say… LOOK, HES MOVING!"

An Amish boy was driving his horse-drawn buggy to town when he was stopped by a highway patrol officer.

Im not going to cite you, said the officer, I just wanted to warn you that the reflector on the back of your buggy is broken and it could be dangerous.

I thank thee, said the Amish boy, I shall have my father repair it as soon as I return home.

Also, said the officer, I noticed that one of the reins to your horse is tied around your horses testicles. Some might consider this to be cruelty to animals so youd best have your father check this, too.

Again I thank thee, said the Amish boy, I shall have my father check this also when I return home.

True to his word, when the Amish boy got home he told his father about the broken reflector and his father said that he would repair it immediately.

Also, said the Amish boy, the policeman said that there was something wrong with our emergency brake.

Two priests and a rabbi were discussing what portion of the weekly collection they kept for themselves. The first priest explained that he drew a circle on the ground, stepped a few paces back and pitched the money towards the circle. What landed in the circle he kept, and what landed outside the circle God kept.The second priest claimed that his method was almost the same, except that what landed outside the circle went to the priest and the money that landed inside the circle God kept.The rabbi said, Ive got you both beat! I throw the money into the air and what God wants, God takes.

Three guys died and when they got to the pearly gates, St. Peter met them there.St. Peter said, "I know that you guys are forgiven because youre here. But before I let you into heaven, I have to ask you a couple of questions. Make sure you tell the truth because if you dont, well have to ask you to visit the beast below. Your answers will also determine what kind of car you will get. You have to have a car here in heaven because it is so huge!"St. Peter asked the first man, "How long were you married?"The guy replied, "24 years."St. Peter then asked, "Did you ever cheat on your wife?"The guy said, "Yeah, about 10 times… but you said I was forgiven."Peter said, "Yes, but thats not too good. Heres a Pinto for you to drive."The second guy got the same questions from Peter to which he replied, "I was married for 41 years and cheated on her only once, but that was during our first year and we worked it out. I was faithful thereafter."Peter said, "Im pleased to hear that. Heres a Mercedes SUV for you to drive."The third guy said, "Peter, I know what youre going to ask. I was married for 63 years and didnt even look at another woman! I treated my wife like a queen!"Peter said, "Now thats what I like to hear! Heres a Jaguar for you to drive." A little while later, the two guys with the Lincoln and the Pinto saw the guy with the Jaguar crying on the golden sidewalk, so they went to see what was the matter. When they asked him what was wrong he tearily said, "I just saw my wife and she was on a skateboard!"