This guy has lived up in the mountains for a long time. He hikes down to this bar and goes in and says, Bartender, I have to get laid.

The bartender says, Well, all we have is Bob in the back.

The guy says, No way man! I dont go for that gay stuff, and hikes back up the mountain.

About a year later, he hikes down to the bar again and says, Bartender, I have got to get laid!

The bartender says, Well, like I told you before, all we have is Bob in the back.

The guy again tells the bartended that he isnt gay. However, as he has a couple of beers, he starts thinking about how long its been since he was with a woman, and finally asks the bartender, Listen, if I do this, whos going to know about it? I mean, I dont want people to think Im gay.

The bartender says, The only ones who will know about it are you, me, and the two guys holding down Bob, because he aint gay either.

Below is a list of new drugs users of viagra have requested the me makers of viagra develop.

VIAGRA-SKI
Wonderful for those who have a hard time getting up on water-skis. Forty-five minutes after taking it, youll get up and stay up, out of the water.

DIRECTRA
A dose of this drug given to men before leaving on car trips caused 72 percent of them to stop and ask directions when they got lost, compared to a control group of 0.2 percent.

PROJECTRA
Men given this experimental new drug were far more likely to actually finish a household repair project before starting anew one.

CHILDAGRA
Men taking this drug reported a sudden, overwhelming urge to perform more child-care tasks especially cleaning up spills and little accidents.

COMPLIMENTRA
In clinical trials, 82 percent of middle-aged men administered this drug noticed that their wives had a new hairstyle. Currently being tested to see if its effects extend to noticing new clothing.

BUYAGRA
Married and otherwise attached men reported a sudden urge to buy their sweeties expensive jewelry and gifts after talking this drug for only two days. Still to be seen: whether the drug can be continued for a period longer than your favorite stores return limit.

NEGA-VIAGRA
Has the exact opposite effect of Viagra. Currently undergoing clinical trials on sitting U.S. presidents.

NEGA-SPORTAGRA
This drug had the strange effect of making men want to turn off televised sports and actually converse with other family members.

FLYAGRA
This drug has been showing great promise in treating men with O.F.D. (Open Fly Disorder). Especially useful for men on Viagra.

PRYAGRA
About to fail its clinical trial, this drug gave men in the test group an irresistible urge to dig into the personal affairs of other people. Note: Apparent over-dose turned three test subjects into special prosecutors.

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

I have just the thing, says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer.

Just place this between your cheek and gum.

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced.

After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech.

And what if I swallow it?

No problem, says the barber.

Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does.

A baby was born that was so advanced that he could talk. He looked around the delivery room and saw the doctor.

Are you my doctor? he asked.

Yes, I am.

The baby said Thank you for taking such good care of me during birth.

He looked at his mother and asked, Are you my mother?

Yes, I am, she said.

Thank you for taking such good care of me before I was born he said. He then looked at his father and asked Are you my father?

Yes, I am, his father answered.

The baby motioned him close, then poked him on the forehead with his index finger 5 times, saying I want you to know that THAT HURTS!

Q:WHAT DID ONE LESBIAN VAMPIRE SAY TO THE OTHER

A:ILL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH 🙂

One day, a man had an accident at work, which resulted in him getting his eye gouged out. He was rushed to hospital, and, after awaking from an emergency operation, was told by the doctor that hed been given a glass eye. The man looked in the mirror to see the result, and was shocked to see that, whereas his original eye colour was blue, his new glass eye was brown. The man was outraged. I cant walk around like this!!""Sir," the doctor said, "there is a severe shortage on blue eyes. We had to give you a brown one. If somehow you can get hold of a blue eye, and bring it here to the hospital, we will happily fit it for you. A few weeks later, the man was driving home from work late one night during a big storm. Suddenly, the car in front of him lost control and skidded off the road before finally hitting a tree. The man screeched to a halt, and ran down the embankment to see if he could help. He found the driver of the car sprawled out over the wreckage, dead as a doornail…with a blue glass eye! As it was so late at night and during such a big storm, noone was about. So the man proceeded to get a screwdriver and removed one of the deceased mans blue eyes, replacing it with his brown glass eye. He raced down to the local hospital to have the replacement blue eye fitted. A few days later, the man was driving along the same stretch of road when he saw the police examining the crash scene and towing the car wreck away. Concerned to find out if the police were on to him, the man decided to go over to try and see if the police had any leads. Excuse me, sir," said the policeman. "Do you know anything about this at all?No, constable, said the man.Well, we cant figure this out. Somehow, this bloke managed to drive 40 miles with two glass eyes!

Fellow 1: Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the year that he was going to die. It was the right year too. Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day, and he was right about that too.

Fellow 2: Wow, thats Incredible. How did he know all of that?

Fellow 1: A judge told him.

One Sunday morning, a little girl and her mother go to church. Halfway through, the little girl tells her mother shes going to be sick. Her mother tells her to go in the bushes behind the church. The girl leaves and comes back after about five minutes. Her mother asks her if she threw up. Yes," the girl says. "But I didnt have to go all the way round the back. There was a box near the front door that said For the Sick.

An old man was in bed with his wife when suddenly he let out a loud fart. He yelled, 7 points!

His wife looked at him and said, What the hell are you doing?

He simply replied, Just playing bed football.

Ten minutes later the wife let a loud one and said, Tie game – 7,7.

The husbands competitive side kicked in and he started starting straining… when suddenly he crapped his pants! His wife looks over and said, Now whats the score?

He said, Still 7,7. End of quarter switch sides!!!

There was a married couple in their living room, watching television. Suddenly the guy got the urge to have a hot 69 with his wife, Hey, baby, he said, How bout I take you to the room and we go down on each other?

No…

she replies, Im having my period.

I dont care lets do it anyway.

the guy replied.

Ewww… okay.

She said, But what if someone comes to the door.

Ill just tell them I was eating a jelly sandwich and that Im a messy guy.

So they go in the room and theyre going at it hardcore, when the doorbell rings. The guy looks up, and he decides to leave it. The door bell rings again, and a third time. The man finally gets up and opens the door and its a Fed Ex mail carrier.

I have a package for you.

The mail carrier said looking at the guy in a weird way.

Okay, Ill sign for it.

Whats the matter with your face?

The mail carrier asked.

I was eating a jelly sandwich.

The guy replied.

Yeah? Well, you got some peanut butter on your nose.