If at first you dont succeed, skydiving is not for you.

The pen is mightier than the sword — if the sword is very small and the pen is real sharp.

If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?

Call me insane one more time and Ill eat your other eye!

I didnt fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

Why is it called tourist season if we cant shoot at them?

Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?

What happens when none of your bees wax?

Where are we going? And whats with this handbasket?

When it rains, why dont sheep shrink?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

When companies ship Styrofoam, what do they pack it in?

If youre cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

If pro is the opposite of con, is progress the opposite of congress?

Why does cleave mean both split apart and stick together?

Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same?

Why is it called a building when it is already built?

Why do they call them apartments when they are all stuck together?

Mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?

People seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. What are they doing? Cramming for finals?

Old age is when you still have something on the ball but you are just too tired to bounce it.

Did Adam ever said to Eve, Watch it! There are plenty more ribs where you came from!

I drive far too fast to worry about cholesterol.

I couldnt repair my brakes, so I made the horn louder.

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

How do you tell when you run out of invisible ink?

What happens if you get scared half-to-death twice?

If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they.

If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages?

Would a fly without wings be called a walk?

If a stealth bomber crashes in a forest, does it make a sound?

A single fact can spoil a good argument.

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them, would they still grow? Only to be troubled and insecure?

Is there another word for synonym?

Isnt it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do practice?

Should vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Why doesnt onomatopoeia sound like what it is?

Why do tugboats push their barges?

Why do we sing Take me out to the ball game, when we are already there?

Why are they called stands when theyre made for sitting?

The severity of the itch is proportional to inability to the reach it.

Two wrongs are only the beginning.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time youll have to catch up.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

A fool and his money are soon partying.