6. Thou shalt not post messages that are stupid, worthless, or have no meaning.

5. Draw stick people in all the landscape pictures on the walls, and in the morning, be the first to point out what a terrible thing that someone did this to such beautiful works of art.

10. You ticked him off once and your next phone bill was $20,000.

9. Hes won the Publishers Clearing House sweepstakes three years running.

8. When asked for his phone number, he gives it in hex.

7. Seems strangely calm whenever the office LAN goes down.

6. Somehow he/she gets HBO on his PC at work.

5. Mumbled, Oh, puh-leeez 95 times during the movie The Net

4. Massive RRSP contribution made in half-cent increments.

3. Video dating profile lists public-key encryption among turn-ons

2. When his computer starts up, you hear, Good Morning, Mr. President.

1. You hear him murmur, Lets see you use that Visa card now, jerk.

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

21. Turn in the exam approximately 30 minutes into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

Al Gore Disco Fever Costume
Positive Home Pregnancy Test
Jacko-Lantern
Marge Schotts Less Attractive, Slightly More Racist Sister
Evil British Nanny
Janet Reno Little French Maid Outfit
Male Pattern Baldness
Guy Who Ate Too Much Olestra
Flaming Tofu Burrito from Hell on a Stick
President Jesse Helms
Marv Albert, Warrior Princess
Mighty Menstruatin Power Ranger

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]

10. Accidental switch back to 19,000 Leagues Under the Sea.

9. Screwed up computers report EuroDisney turning a profit.

8. Air traffic control glitch causes Dumbo to smack into a DC-10.

7. The Its a Small World After All creatures go on a rampage.

6. The Hall of Presidents keeps chanting Kill Clinton, kill Clinton.

5. When you wish upon a star, nothing happens.

4. Unexpected power surge brings an angry Walt Disney back to life.

3. Main Street Electrical Parade becomes Main Street Two Guys With Plastic Flashlights Parade.

2. Ticket machine accidentally dispenses day passes for less than $600.

1. Two words: catapulting teacups.

Top 10 Signs You Are Too Old to Be Trick or Treating



10. You get winded from knocking on the door.



9. You have to have another kid chew the candy for you.



8. You ask for high fiber candy only.



7. When someone drops a candy bar in your bag, you lose your balanceand fall over.



6. People say, Great Keith Richards mask! and youre not wearing a mask.



5. When the door opens you yell, Trick or… and cant remember the rest.



4. By the end of the night, you have a bag full of restraining orders.



3. You have to carefully choose a costume that wont dislodge your hairpiece.



2. Youre the only Power Ranger in the neighborhood with a walker.



1. You avoid going to houses where your ex-wives live.

4. Honor thy SysOp.

See Rabbi Schwartz, Father Flanagan, and Master Yogi in a theological grudge match in the Steel Confessional of Death in Biblemania XIV!
That John 3:16 guy at the football game is now holding a sign saying Channel 5, right now!
The Weather Channel broadcasting 24-hour a day Ark Advisory.
Bearded guy in the window outside The Today Show keeps sending telepathic messages.
NBC starts plugging THOU SHALT SEE TV
That older gentleman announcing the new Fig Leaf Policy on the Playboy channel aint Hef.
At last, somebody smote those idiotic Mentos commercials!!
Guest on Entertainment Tonight squashes James Cameron like a bug, raises arms and exclaims, No, *Im* the king of the world!
MTVs Vatican Spring Break 98
Maximum possible Jeopardy score: $783,200. Contestant who looks like George Burns: $700,000 and climbing.
Flurry of white people sighted on UPN and WB networks.
Jerry Springer only gets out the words Today our topic is… before he bursts into flames.
For sixth straight day, Kenny G. live from Branson cancelled due to technical difficulties.
When Oprah says My next guest wrote his bestselling book thousands of years ago, and he hasnt been seen in public since, she aint talking about Salinger!
Your first two clues? Mohammed as sidekick and Buddha as bandleader.

and the Number 1 Sign God is Appearing on Your TV…

Normally standoffish Amish family from down the street drops by with a bundt cake and a bottle of Amaretto.

[ This list copyright 1998 by Chris White ]
[ The Top 5 List top5@gmbweb.com http://www.topfive.com ]
[ To forward or repost, please include this section. ]

Ruminations & Ponderances

I once thought that if I had all the money in the world, I would give some to my friends, but that would be pretty stupid, because then I wouldnt have all the money in the world anymore.

(Thanks to Sheryl Adsit)

You should not attempt these things during an actual exam. The following is meant for entertainment purposes only.

30. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.