A closed mouth gathers no feet.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance.
A kings castle is his home.
A penny saved is ridiculous.
All that glitters has a high refractive index.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Anarchy is better that no government at all.
Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
As you read the scroll, it vanishes…
Automobile – A mechanical device that runs up hills and down people.
Be moderate where pleasure is concerned, avoid fatigue.
Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one Ive never tried before.
Brain–the apparatus with which we think that we think.
BATCH – A group, kinda like a herd.
Computer hackers do it all night long.
Computer modelers simulate it first.
Computer programmers dont byte, they nybble a bit.
Computer programmers know how to use their hardware.
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are.
Courage is your greatest present need.
CLEARASOL – Effective sunspot remover.
Death is lifes way of telling you youve been fired.
Death is Natures way of saying slow down.
Do something unusual today. Accomplish work on the computer.
Documentation is like sex: When its good, its fantastic, when its bad…
Dont force it, get a larger hammer.
Dont hate yourself in the morning–sleep till noon.
Drive defensively–buy a tank.
Earn cash in your spare time–blackmail friends.
Entropy isnt what it used to be.
Fairy tales: horror stories for children to get them used to reality.
Familiarity breeds children.
God didnt create the world in 7 days. He pulled an all-nighter on the 6th.
Going the speed of light is bad for your age.
He who hesitates is sometimes saved.
Health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
Help support helpless victims of computer error.
Herblocks Law: if it is good, they will stop making it.
History does not repeat itself–historians merely repeat each other.
Im defending her honor, which is more than she ever did.
If you dont change your direction, you may end up where you were headed.
If youre not part of the solution, be part of the problem!
In the field of observation, chance favors only the prepared minds.
It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education. Albert Einstein
It works better if you plug it in.
Its not hard to meet expenses, theyre everywhere.
Jury–Twelve people who determine which client has the better lawyer.
KODACLONE – duplicating film.
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Life is what happens to you while you are planning to do something else.
Lifes a bitch, then you die.
Lynchs Law: When the going gets tough, everyone leaves.
Mediocrity thrives on standardization.
MOP AND GLOW – Floor wax used by Three Mile Island cleanup team.
Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.
Old MacDonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement.
Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research.
QUARKBAR – the candy with flavour and charm.
QUASIMOTO – 4 wheeled hard-top moped made in France.
Realitys the only obstacle to happiness.
Screw up your life, youve screwed everything else up.
Silvers law: If Murphys law can go wrong it will.
Some grow with responsibility, others just swell.
SQWERTY – Computer keyboard sized down for use by children.
SYSTEM GOING DOWN AT 4:45 THIS AFTERNOON FOR DISK CRASHING.
The attention span of a computer is as long as its electrical cord.
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.
The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it.
The road to to success is always under construction.
Those who cant write, write help files.
To be, or not to be, those are the parameters.
To err is human, to really foul things up requires a computer.
Today is the last day of your life so far.
TRAPEZOID – A device for catching zoids.
Wasting time is an important part of life.
When all else fails, read the instructions.
When in doubt, dont bother.
Xerox does it again and again and again and…
XMODEM – A spot-marking transfer protocol.
YTERM – A terminal program for queries.
When in doubt, ignore it.
Id insult you, but youre not bright enough to notice.

Acknowledge-To: <IRVINMJ@WSUVM1>

[Ed: Lots of people have such lists, but please dont all send them in at once.]