An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband. Paddy! Paddy! she yelled.
Paddy came running in. Paddy Ive suctioned myself to the floor, she said.

Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. Youre just too heavy, love. Ill go across the road and get Shamus.

Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.

Nope, I cant do it, Shamus said, Lets try plan C.

Plan C? exclaimed Paddy. Whats that?

Ill go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.

Oh okay, Paddy said. While youre doing that Ill stay here and play with her tits.

Play with her tits? Shamus said. Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.

Paddy replied, Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles arent so expensive to replace.