Old and New Jokes

Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking Im a dog.

Doctor: Sit on the couch and we will talk about it.

But Im not allowed up on the couch!



Doctor, Doctor Youve got to help me – I just cant stop my hands shaking!

Doc: Do you drink a lot?

Not really – I spill most of it!



Doctor, Doctor Have you got something for a bad headache?

Doc: Of course. Just take this hammer and smash yourself in the head.

Then youll have a bad headache.



Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking Im God!

Doc: When did this start?

Well first I created the sun, then the earth, then the…



Doctor, Doctor I keep getting pains in the eye when I drink coffee!

Doc: Have you ever tried it by taking the spoon out FIRST?



Doctor, Doctor will this ointment clear up my spots?

Doc: I never make rash promises!



Doctor, Doctor I keep thinking Im a frog!

Doc: So whats wrong with that?

I think Im going to croak!