IM GLAD IM A WOMAN

Im glad Im a woman, yes I am, yes I am.

I dont live off of Budweiser, Beer Nuts and Spam.

I dont brag to my buddies about my erections.

I wont drive to Hell before I ask for directions.

I dont get wasted at parties, and act like a clown.

And I know how to put that damned toilet seat down!

I wont grab your hooters, I wont pinch your butt.

My belt buckles not hidden beneath my beer gut.

And I dont go around re-adjusting my crotch,

or yell like Tarzan when my headboard gets a notch.

I dont belch in public, I dont scratch my behind.

Im a woman you see-Im just not that kind!

Im glad Im a woman, Im so glad I could sing.

I dont have body hair like shag carpeting.

It doesnt grow from my ears or cover my back.

When I lean over you cant see 3 inches of crack.

And whats on my head doesnt leave with my comb.

Ill never buy a toupee to cover my dome.

Or have a few hairs pulled from over the side.

Im a woman, you know-Ive got far too much pride!

And I honestly think its a privilege for me,

to have these two boobs and squat when I pee.

I dont live to play golf and shoot basketball.

I dont swagger and spit like a Neanderthal.

I wont tell you my wife just does not understand,

Or stick my hand in my pocket to hide that gold band.

Or tell you a story to make you sigh and weep,

Then screw you, roll over and fall sound asleep!

Yes, Im so very glad Im a woman, you see.

Forget all about that old penis envy.

I dont long for male bonding, I dont cruise for a chick.

Join the Hair Club For Men, or think with my dick.

Im a woman by chance and Im thankful, its true.

Im so glad Im a woman and not a man like you!