Italian roots

You know you are addicted to your Italian roots when…

You pay the paperboy with LIRA
You answer your neighbors by grunting and saying, No speaka Engleesh!
You tell people that Raffaele, Michelangelo and Donatello of Ninja Turtle fame are your first cousins.
You start calling your wife Gina and tell her youll be happy to pay for breast enlargements.
You carry Italian road maps in your glove compartment
You can recite the name of every province in Italy in 2 minutes (and you can spell them in 4 minutes).
You get arrested at the Mall after the police dont accept your explanation that Italians are overcome by a natural urge to pinch buttocks after 22 women identity you
You leave work at 10 AM because its quitting time in Rome.
You call WPIX-TV in NYC to ask why the Yankee announcers ARE speaking English
You spray paint over the chrome Buick emblem on your automobile and write FIAT in 12 inch letters
You are arrested for fighting after punching a fellow Italian who told you that in WWII he stopped an advancing Italian tank by shooting the Italian pushing it.
You are fined for adding the word Via to 51 streets signs in your neighborhood
You write to Rome to complain about proposed state tax legislation in Iowa.
The priest asks you to find another church after you pass out 500 bumper stickers during mass which read, Italians Make Better Lovers

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